Christmas Carol

What exactly is a "carol"? Well, I had to look it up to see. Evidently, a carol is a festive song. There you have it. I have been thinking about Christmas carols lately, because I have really missed hearing them this year. I have many Christmas cds, but they are packed away in storage with all of the rest of our worldly goods that we didn't know we could live without, until we actually had to test that theory.

So, aside from a couple of trips to the grocery story, and the church choir Sunday morning, I have not been inundated with the sounds of Christmas as was the case when I worked retail for many years. Yet I don't think I ever really minded hearing those songs played over and over. In fact, I have been thinking back on my childhood, and I remember the first time I ever really "felt" God's presence. I was snuggled up with my sister and a Christmas song book. She was singing the carols and I was trying to sing along. I remember reading the words and finding my heart in awe of what they said. I especially recall feeling a huge lump in my throat while trying to sing "Away In A Manger" and "The Little Drummer Boy".  Even so long ago before I knew Him, I was greatly aware of the mystery of this Christ child.

All of these memories come flooding back to me as I reflect this carol-less year. This is not the first Christmas that has been unfamiliar. It seems the past few years have found us either moving, or on the move during the holidays. It has made me very aware of how much of my Christmases past were spent in a frenzy, totally focused on things that I realize now had very little importance. And yet I have an ache in my heart, a longing for the familiar things that brought me joy for so many years. An ornament one of the boys made, the house decorated with lights and boughs, the joys of filling stockings with little things I hoped would please. I am now constantly faced with change, and even though change can be exciting, at times it can feel like a cruel companion. I think Christmas is one of those times.

What is the point of Christmas Carols? And why do we love them so? A Christmas Carol is a festive song about a Birthday. They are songs written to celebrate and acknowledge the most important Birthday of all. The First Noel....."noel" comes from the Latin word natalis  meaning "birth". That is why Carols put a lump in our throats and bring tears to our eyes, and create wonder in our hearts. That is why singing and hearing them makes us feel so warm and fuzzy! Don't we love that part of any Birthday party....the moment when we honor the birthday boy or girl with a song?

So sing, my friends! Sing with abandon. Sing while you're shopping, sing loudly in your cars, sing while you bake, sing while you wrap.....sing, sing, sing!!! I have a song in my heart, a Christmas Carol, a true Noel. And while I may not be surrounded by the familiar lights and sounds, Christmas lives on....in me.

May each of our lives be a "festive song", a celebration of His birth in us!! "Unto us a child is born.....unto us a son is given..."

Pistachi-oh no!!!!

We were sitting in our recliners after a long weekend. We drove down to get the boat out of Lake Shasta, and then up to Eugene to park it behind our son's house. Towing a huge boat made the drive longer, having the engine light on in the truck made part of it seem endless. Our reward was lots of time spent snuggling our perfectly precious grandson, erasing hours of tension. So here we were back in the trailer, just chillin' eating some pistachio nuts. Yum. Love pistachio nuts and recently there has been a lot of hype about how very good-for-you they are which makes them an even more perfect snack.

I was kicked back in my chair when Tiffy our little Yorkie appeared with her paws up on the foot rest, I assumed begging to get up on my lap. But upon further inspection I noticed she was whacking her little neck on the footrest doing all sorts of strange jerking motions. "Craig!!! What's wrong with Tiffy??!!!!!" I yelled as I picked her up from the floor. At this point, her little head began to shake violently and jerk and he grabbed her from me while I hopped up to turn on the overhead lights.
Meanwhile, Hubby had her upside down whacking her on the back, trying to figure out how to preform the heimlich maneuver on a 3 pound dog. She was still making noises and her head was vibrating at an alarming  pace. Couldn't tell if she was turning blue. Do dogs turn blue?
"Maybe she has something caught in her face hair!!" I suggested, and he turned her around to look at her. That's when he noticed it. A pretty good sized pistachio nut, shell on, was lodged between her upper and lower jaw. He put his huge man hands into her tiny mouth and pried the nut out. Whew! That was pretty traumatic. Tiffy was sitting on the couch as if nothing had happened. I was a wreck. I wondered aloud, "How did she get a hold of that anyway?"  Craig said, "Well....I dropped one and it fell between the arm of my chair and the seat. I figured it was just lost in the chair, but it must have fallen through to the floor."

Note to self. "Do not give Craig pistachio nuts around grandson....Ever."

Slime

While doing laundry today, in the rain, in my little trailer, I walked by the sink in my bedroom where the carpet switches to bare floor and I slipped and almost went down. I figured there must have been some water or something on the floor and went about my business.

The next time I went by to check on the clothes in the dryer, it happened again. What the heck? I looked back on the floor and didn't see a thing. Walking back by I skidded like I was on an icy sidewalk. What is going on here? Upon further inspection, I noticed some sort of clear fluid running out from under the door of the cupboard under the sink.

If you are a woman you have probably had some experience with a hair product called "smoothing serum" which gives your sometimes frizzy hair a smoother finish. If you are a man I most likely lost you way back when I mentioned laundry. Anyway, an almost full bottle of hair smoothing serum was upside down in my cupboard and had leaked its slime literally all over the place, "the place" being not very big because I live in a trailer, but still.....it was a mess.

I wiped, I washed, I ran hot water over, and nothing seemed to remove the slime....neither from the floor nor off of the many other items which were encased in the cupboard with the offender. I had a real challenge on my hands. Would I curse and grumble, only making matters worse? Miraculously I did neither!
 
Well, you know me and how God speaks to me in all things and all situations good and bad (this was definitely the latter), so while I was cleaning up the slimey substance I was noting how invisible it was to the naked eye. I had to feel around to find where the slime lake began and ended. Invisible slime.

We have a saying among my friends, when someone says or does something to us that hurts or causes us to feel like we have plopped down out of the Kingdom and into the false reality of this world, we say "I was slimed".
Like the hair product, we usually can't see the slime coming. It comes on us quickly, and causes us to slip out of the love God wants us to walk in, and into sort of a self-protecting state. We hurt when we are slimed. It is yukky, and we want it off. Often we react to slime and the situation only gets uglier.

Back to the mess in my bathroom. What did I finally use to clean it up? Oh you are gonna really like this!! I used a wonderful little cleaner called "Fantastic"! Aha! I can sense you are tying this all together in your brains and I probably don't even need to write further.....but I will anyway because this is my blog.

It occurred to me that just like I reached for Fantastic to get rid of the slimey mess in my bathroom, when we find ourselves slimed by the words or actions of others.....we can reach out for our "Fantastic" God and He will clean us right off!! I mean, He is right there with all of His Fantastic love and Fantastic power, just waiting for us to reach for Him so He can wash the offending slime off! But I suggest you do it quickly, before you slip!

Am I Even Saved?

Hello, Blogger world. I come to you today after a weekend of heavenly bliss. Yes, I retreated with 16 other like-minded women...though we didn't actually "retreat" in the sense that we went backwards. We did retreat into the arms of Jesus, where all advancements are made. It was a glorious time of freedom in the glorious bliss of God. I highly recommend it!
But....though one would think that I remain on a spiritual plateau from such a weekend, I found out all too quickly the opposite was true. Upon my arrival home, or should I say when I returned to the 5th wheel where I reside, my husband relayed the bad news to me. Our internet had been down all weekend. Down. Gone. Kaput. Not a computer problem, something much more ominous. It was a cable problem. I know, right? Sent chills up my spine too.
No internet, no gmail, no facebook, and horror of horrors no craigslist to browse for nothing we need but everything we might want if it is a great deal because how can we pass up such a good deal? We could at the very least sell it and make money!!! Alas, all of these wonderful time filling (wasting?) internet things were dead. It was a sad day.
But wait, there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel...they were sending a repairman out! Oh yes, a repairman was coming out from 10:00 to 12:00 on Tuesday. I was going to be home recovering from my wonderfully spiritual and godly weekend anyway!! All is not lost! I would be up and running in no time!!! And surely this repairman would be touched by the lingering presence of the Lord in my trailer.....

I carefully kept track of the hour as I waited with baited breath. I just know he will be coming soon. Oh and then I can get online and check the hundreds of emails and facebook comments that accumulated while I was away. I am giddy with anticipation of the follow up emails from the ladies I retreated with, and hopes of a really great UTube video to make my day worth living.
My phone rang and I was certain it was....the.....Cable Guy. But it was Craig calling to inform me that the repairman had called his cell phone which he was unable to answer because he was at work, and the guy didn't even leave a message, and Craig tried to call him back but he didn't pick up!! Oh no!!! This is an emergency!! I quickly got on my phone, and called Charter Communications certain that the repairman was right down the street and could turn around and come quickly back to aid this damsel in distress.
Any of you who have ever dealt with a cable company already know that was not the case. I spoke with a very nice gal who seemed to also be very confused as to how a computer works (like me). She assured me that when the repairman didn't get an answer to his phone call, not knowing the space number we live in, he quickly canceled the work order. WHAT????

I will spare you the gruesome details, but just let me say that after being cut off twice (yes, I said TWICE) and speaking with FOUR different people, the best they could do was hope to have someone out by Thursday. I continued to assure each person with whom I spoke that I am normally a very nice person and I usually don't get so angry.....but this is totally UNACCEPTABLE and RIDICULOUS!! They were not impressed with my tirades, which only served to make me madder.
I had the last laugh though when I hung up, finally, after 2 hours....yes, I said 2 hours and I said it without exaggeration.......I immediately called QWest and set us up with an appointment for service with them, but they couldn't come out until Friday. Ha!! Take that, Charter Communications!!! You have no idea who you are messing with!!!

My story does not end there. Oh no. Craig came home from work and soon realized that I had just been through a really trying day and he suggested we go grab a bite to eat. Well, on our way back to the mobile home park, we noticed a Charter van was parked in the driveway next door. We laughed about it, wondering if he was lost again. But I couldn't let it go. He wasn't calling us to get our space number. What is he doing anyway? I had to go talk to him. I mean, he is right here!!!
As I headed out my door, I saw the van going by on the other side of the park. He must be coming!! Oh boy, the Cable Guy is coming, the Cable Guy is coming!! But he stopped 3 trailers down and was talking to my neighbor. Still unable to be deterred, I marched right down the street and asked if he wasn't here to service space F to which he replied he was not, he was here for space B. I was livid. Interesting. The spiritual afterglow from my weekend must have worn off.

Soon another Charter van pulled up. I couldn't stand it any longer. The neighbor gets TWO service vans and they can't get anyone out to us till Thursday??? I gave the man in the second van an earful, I know he was certainly sympathetic when he heard I had been on the phone with them for TWO HOURS!!!!....and he promised that when they were done with her repair they would certainly be right down. Ha! That's the way to get it done! The squeaky wheel and all that.....

Wait. Did I really just yell at that guy? Well, he certainly deserved it after all, putting me through such grief. OK, so he didn't actually put me through it but still......I have rights. Wait. Do I? Didn't I lay down my rights when I invited Jesus to live through me? Oh man, how can one day cause me to go from a spirit filled grace-full woman of God to a ranting, raving lunatic demanding my way? Am I even saved?

If you know Jesus, you know the Answer to my last question. And it was only a rhetorical one but still.....it causes me to stop and be carefully aware of how quickly my "self" or my flesh or ego or whatever we like to call it loves to come in and take over and rule in my heart, in the very heart where I invited Jesus to rule and reign. It shocks me, and yet it also brings me to my knees in worshipful abandon.....reminded that it is nothing that I do and everything that He did....and though I will never measure up to my own ideals of perfection, I am perfectly loved and accepted and forgiven and it is such a wonderful and amazing thing that I pray I never, ever take for granted.

And I'm relieved to report that I behaved like a perfect angel when my power was turned off for six hours yesterday........

Birthday Blah Blah Blog

Yes, today is my birthday. Please no fanfare. It will only annoy me further. I try not to look forward to things like birthdays, holidays.....special days. But I do. I can't help myself. My husband, on the other hand, claims "It's just another day" and acts like he really believes that. I think he is still recovering from the big surprise party I threw for his 40th. He has trouble admitting he was blessed, but I saw him having fun.

So yea, today is my big day. Hoorah. Hubby got up, turned off the alarm and got back into bed where he remains. He has vertigo and can hardly stand. This might put a damper on the plans for a weekend. I'm thinking dizziness and boating might not go together so well.

But that's OK. My expectations weren't that high to begin with. It is a good thing too, since birthdays usually don't turn out to be that great in my world. Well, there was one year a long time ago. I invited all of my dear friends out to dinner, then I wrote a song and had them sing it to me. That's the way to have a great birthday, plan it yourself.

It isn't about "gifts" for me. And that is certainly a good thing because if it were I would live in a perpetual   state of disappointment. It isn't that hubby doesn't try. Or wait. Maybe it is. Hey, I don't mean to sound ungrateful. He just called to me a few minutes ago "Bring me my wallet, I have a birthday present for you!" So I did. He pulled out the gift card to Sports Authority that he won in a golf tournament last weekend. I thought surely he was joking. He was not. Hey, they have lots of sporty clothes.....get yourself a new work-out outfit or something. OK. Maybe I'll get myself a gym membership to go with it. Or maybe you can take this card and......

 Well, I won't bore you any longer. I am off to the DMV to get my drivers license renewed. This is my second attempt. The problem is, I live in a 5th wheel and we get our mail in a drop box, and they need proof of my physical address, i.e. a piece of mail sent here, which I don't have because I don't receive mail here, there is no mail box for the RV spaces, so I have a drop box to receive mail. We'll see how it goes today. Maybe they will back down from the crazed "birthday girl" at the counter and give my my freakin' license. I don't want any trouble. Or gifts. Or fanfare. It's just another day........

Spinning a Yarn

When I was young, a long long time ago, I used to have a picture of what life was about. Even though I couldn't really put it into words, today I would liken it to a ball of yarn. I thought life was like a ball of yarn in the sense that when we are born or come into the world that would be the end or shall we say the beginning of our yarn. Then as we age and we go through life I guess I always thought that I would acquire more, that aging meant "more"....so the yarn would begin to grow into a little ball as the things that I acquired were wrapped around me, then as I gained more stuff, more wisdom, more intelligence, more of everything the ball would grow bigger and bigger. And ultimately, I guess I thought that at the end of my life, God would determine that my ball of yarn was complete, and He would bring me home. A tidy picture indeed. In that scenario, in my little girl thoughts, I supposed life was all about gain.  We come into the world with nothing but as we age we have a lot added to us until we are really smart, and rich, and satisfied. That's what I thought back then.

Now I know that what I thought couldn't be further from the truth.

It's more like the ball of yarn reaches a certain point (and I suppose for everyone that point or age is different) but the yarn reaches a stage where it must begin to be unraveled. This is good though, because along the way, along life's way, as the yarn is being wound around us, we accumulate a lot of stuff and a this stuff must be removed from the ball and from us, for our good. We accumulate hurts, those must be removed, we gather false images of what God is like, and He certainly must remove those. But we also gather loved ones, children, spouses, parents, friends, and though they are good they cannot be wound up with us. The ball of yarn eventually becomes very lumpy, and uneven, and maybe even a source of security for us. And how could we ever let go with all of these entanglements, and we cannot take any of it with us anyway. God sees us all bumpy and lumpy and wrapped up with "stuff" so in His wisdom He gently begins to pull on His end of the yarn....and it begins to unravel ever so gently.....and the things that we gathered up and held close begin to loosen from the yarn and fall away as it unravels more and more until ultimately in the end the ball of yarn is completely gone and we are left as we began, just an end. And that must be the moment when He tugs on His end of the yarn and we go to be with Him in glory.

So I continue to give in to this unraveling. Not that I have any choice really. What I mean is that I have learned to enjoy the process....freely spinning in His grace, trusting in His love, and finding greater freedom than that little girl me knew existed. I wish I could go back and tell her how life really is. But I guess she learned the truth in the living....and the unraveling.

"Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone....................for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts."

To Tell the Truth

There was a TV show many years ago by that name. The premise of the show was this:  Three people stood before a panel of contestants. One of the three was or did something of particular interest, like say he or she flew helicopters or some such thing. The other two people were impostors. The panel asked questions of each person trying to find out who was the real "Bill Jones". The impostors faked their answers. At the end the host of the show said "Will the real Bill Jones please stand up?" at which point the panel got to see if they guessed rightly or wrongly as the impostors were exposed. That was the show in a nutshell.
So why am I bringing it up? I am not feeling nostalgic. I hardly remember the show, though I do recall it was in black and white so it must be really old. But the line from the end of the program came to me last night. "Will the real ____________please stand up?"

I pray for many young people, and I grieve over them. I see the impostors, the people they pretend to be, or even have come to believe they truly are. Because of their various wounds and the many lies that have attached to these wounds, deception has become a way of life....or should I say "death" because until we discover who we really are, and what we are living for, are we really alive?

We were all impostors before we came to a place where we could receive God's love. I am sure I'm not the only one who lived my life hiding behind a false self and hoping nobody would discover the lie. Because I knew that I was not good enough and was well aware of everything I lacked. Therefore it was my daily struggle to present to the world something I felt would be more acceptable than the truth. I was not living my life at all, I was hiding. But I was afraid to stop faking it, afraid that the facade I created would come crashing down exposing me as the loser I felt I was.

What a glorious day  it was when I discovered I belong to something bigger than myself, to Someone who loves me! It was like I could breathe...finally! I could let out all of the breath I had been holding with one huge sigh of relief. I didn't have to fake it any more! I didn't have to hide behind the impostor. I discovered I am worthy to live because He desires me. He likes me, as Mr. Rogers used to say "Just the way I am."Wow!

And along with His acceptance I grew to realize that all of the nasty, evil, dark places that I had tried for so long to hide from the world....He also desires! He wants them too! Wow, I no longer have to try to juggle the lies for fear of exposure. He not only wants me to give them to Him, but He gives me back something in return! Love. A clear conscience. A sense of belonging. Peace. Life!


All of the things that I feared letting go....all of the "props" that I had used to maintain this false self...I no longer needed. Didn't I feel exposed? Yes. But His love covered me. I no longer had to try and cover myself up.  I didn't have to be the tough girl, or the loud drunk, nor did I have to be high or numb in order to stand myself. I could stop pretending. I could stop running...running from my past and from my pain. I had been found, and seen....the truth was exposed and I was still loved. Wow!

So as I pray for these young people, I weep for them and I call them out of hiding. I want them to know that God sees them.
"Then I went by you and saw you kicking around in your own blood. I said to you, "Live." I want them to know that He loves them. And that even I see the truth in them, not the ugly truth that they want to hide....but the truth of their uniqueness and potential.
When I look at you, I don't see an alcoholic, or a drug addict, I don't see your perversion, or the anger or the rebellion or any of the other false fronts that you have erected for survival. I don't see the tattoos or the many things that you use to try and cover your wounds. I see compassion in you that can pastor the lost. I see how people are drawn to you, and I see a leader of nations. I see a prophet. I want you to know who you truly are. I want to tell you the truth. I long to extend a hand and say, "I see you. And I do not find you repulsive. Come out of hiding. There is Someone here I would love for you to meet."
Will the real you please......stand up!

The Wiener Dog

Our neighbors in the 5th wheel next door, Jean and Dee, have two wiener dogs. First, to settle any confusion, Jean is the man and Dee is the woman. I know, it puzzles me too since Jean is my middle name and I thought Gene was the way to spell the male version. But they have a sign on their porch that says "Jean and Dee" and that is the way it is. Life is very interesting here in the park, don't you think?
Back to my story. So they have these wiener dogs, Buddy and Cricket. Buddy is the male and he is brown. Cricket is his wife and she is black with longer wiry hair and she looks like a muppet. A muppet with no legs.  Jean takes the two for a stroll around the park every morning and evening. They are a very nice pair and never nip at Tiffy like that brown poodle who bit her in the face that Craig took to calling "Cujo" which I think may have offended her owners since they moved away. These wiener dogs are quite civilized.

The other morning as we were backing out of our drive we noticed Jean with his dogs, and Buddy didn't look so great. We were concerned, so we prayed for him on our way to church. I believe that God made all creatures great and small, don't you?
When we returned home later on that day, I saw Jean out in the yard with Cricket but no buddy. He looked sad too. So I continued to pray for them....for Buddy, for Jean and for his wife Dee. I wondered if Buddy had passed away as I saw no sign of him the rest of that day.

When I took Tiffy out the next morning for her walk around the park, I ran into Jean and Cricket and got up the nerve to ask the question "So, what happened with Buddy?" to which Jean replied, "We don't know yet. I have to take him to the vet at noon." I was very relieved that Buddy was still with us. I shared my good wishes with Jean, and Tiffy and I went on our way.
But afterward, I was having some regrets. Honestly, I wondered if I should have offered to come over and lay hands on dear Buddy and pray for God to heal him, because after all I had laid hands on the refrigerator last week and the ticking noise it was making stopped......but then I wondered if my neighbors might decide I was a mental case and want to move away like Cujo's mom and dad. And then I beat myself up for caring too much what people might think of their crazy Christian neighbor, and then I just continued to pray for Buddy and his family, and asked God to heal him and to reveal His love to Buddy's mom and dad.

Much like Peter and the other disciples, I fell asleep on my watch and therefore missed Jean's return from the vet's office so I had no idea if Buddy returned with him. I knew from what Jean had shared with me the day before, that there was rectal bleeding, it didn't sound very good for Buddy.
So you can imagine my joy that evening when I glanced out my window to see Jean walking by with both of his short-legged friends in tow. I jumped up and ran out to see them, leaving my husband wondering "Where's the fire?"
As I saw Buddy loping along, my heart swelled with relief. I talked to Jean and he told me that it was merely an infection and Buddy would be fine after a round of antibiotics. That was my chance to tell Jean that I had been praying, and was so thankful God had healed his beloved dog. But the words did not escape my lips. In fact, I don't think I thought of them until I was back inside my trailer sharing the testimony of Buddy's healing with hubby.

Yet here's the thing. I believe that dog was pretty sick. And I do believe that God heard our prayers for his recovery. I believe that our Loving Father cares about all of these seemingly minute details of our lives and the lives of those around us. And I think that I sometimes get caught up in stupid thoughts that I am not "in ministry" or not "on outreach" or maybe my life is too insignificant and I am not making a difference....you know, "changing the world for Jesus." And then I am reminded of the woman with the mites and how Jesus pointed her out to everyone. Such a small offering but yet it was what she had, it was all she had, and Jesus was so blessed by her gift to Him.
I think that every prayer we send up for every neighbor, or neighbor's dog.....no matter how small or insignificant they might seem to us in the grand scheme of life, is precious to Him. And I think that maybe this IS a life well-lived, a life of ministry, a life poured out and given freely to the Lord.
So I say to you this day "Hallelujah!! The wiener dog lives!!" and I rejoice in it!

I Live in a Camper, and I Camp on a Boat

That occurred to me the other day and I found it kind of an odd thing. I live in a camper and I camp on a boat. I think I will start introducing myself that way. "Hello, my name is Holly. I live in a camper and I camp on a boat. The boat's name is Mustang Sally, but my name is Holly....."
I really don't like the name of the boat, at least I didn't until I was introduced to "Sally O'Malley" from SNL. I cannot recommend her to you here because I probably should go repent and say some hail Mary's for even watching her, let alone liking her. "I'm Sally O'Malley and I'm 50 years old and I like to kick and stretch and kick and I'm 50 years old!" Anyway, she made the name of our boat more palatable to me. Mustang Sally. Yea.

So we live in an RV and to add to the stigma, we have a little foofy dog. We not only have a foofy dog, but we talk baby talk to her. Yup. This is your lucky day, folks. I'm putting it all out there. I have become the people that I used to make fun of. So be careful who you laugh at. I'm just saying....

If you had talked to me 10 years ago I would not have seen any of these developments in my future. But that's the way life is, isn't it? We kind of just live and it unfolds and we find ourselves in all kinds of unpredicted situations. So what do we do once we find ourselves there? We can fight for things the way they used to be. We can be depressed about the past, or about all that we lost, and miss the blessings in the "now". We can strive and manipulate and try to maneuver ourselves back into what we thought was the good life. Sadly, all of that activity might just cause us to miss what we have been given right now, this day. And it also might keep us from moving into our future.

Sure, sometimes we miss having a house. In fact, we often drive around admiring great old bungalows and cute little cottages and we still look at old run down properties with a vision for their potential. The really bizarre thing about living in a 5th wheel is that we used to buy and fix up houses. In fact, what's even stranger is that we both love houses; we love architecture, we love everything about restoring houses, building houses, remodeling houses, and I really love decorating houses.....and yet here we are, here I am....living in a camper and camping on a boat.
But am I complaining? Nope! I currently love my life. My husband loves his life. While other people are home mowing their lawns and doing yard work on the weekends, we are camping on our boat. While other women are vacuuming rooms that they rarely use, and worrying about draperies, I am writing this blog.

We often think of how much fun we are having that we would not be having if life hadn't taken this turn....if his job hadn't ended and we weren't forced to look at the camper in the driveway with different eyes. While we are out floating on a river or lake feeling so young and alive, we wonder if everyone shouldn't be forced off their couches and into water somewhere. Let's face it, we could all use more play time and silliness.
Life is full of adventures and our lives are filled with strange twists and turns, that's for sure. I think maybe our job is to learn how to not resist the changes, but embrace them. I think if the adventuring ends, then maybe the living ends with it.
So whatever your current situation is, I encourage you to stop resisting...stop complaining...and embrace it! Squeeze the juice out of it! We only have one go around.

My name is Holly Kohler and I am 53 years old....and I love to write, and I love to swim....and I love my foofy dog....and I'm 53 years old!

The Year of the Neck

Last year was what I like to refer to as The Year of the Neck. It was the year that I realized that even though I felt the rest of my body was holding pretty steady because I had a gym membership for the first time in my life, my neck became a traitorous foe. No matter what I do to try and keep this old body in shape I haven't found any great workouts for the neck. And last year I had a decision to make. Either wear turtlenecks and scarves for the rest of my life, or accept this neck and all of the sags and wrinkles it is developing. But along with my decision for acceptance which came quickly after imagining a very sweaty summer, came a new discipline. Now that the decision was made I had to train myself to look away. That's right. I had to learn to avoid visual contact with my neck, and it was not easy.
Have you ever noticed how we can easily overlook the flaws in others, but have such a difficult time overlooking our own? That was my battle last year. I never notice nor do I gaze at anyone's neck. It just isn't a place that my eye tends to settle on while in conversation with a friend. Yet every time I looked in the mirror my eyes seemed to be glued to the image of my wrinkly neck before me! Yikes!! There it is again! Ick!
Can anyone relate? Do any of you have certain body parts that you wish you could change?
Have you ever been in a dressing room and loved the way the mirrors made you look....slimmer? I would love to get one of those mirrors delivered to my house. (Or wait, my 5th wheel.) Because even though I realize that it is only an illusion and I am not really in fact slimmer, I feel better. I would take the illusion any day over the reality. If I walk around with that image of myself in my mind, I have a good day. But one glance in the mirror of reality can also have the opposite effect.
So now my beauty regimen includes asking God to allow me to see myself as He sees me. To love myself as He loves me. I want to reflect Him, and His glory. Did you ever notice how when you are really "in the spirit"....in those times when the love of God is just flowing in a meeting, that everyone looks so beautiful? And how you never even have an insecure or self-abasing thought? Those are wonderful times. I want to live there. That is my prayer, Lord. More of You!! I want to be Christ conscious, not self-conscious! And I really hope to be....soon. Because just the other day I looked down to find my thighs....are sagging.....help!!

Is it live.....or is it Memorex?

Only some of you dear readers will remember the commercials from which the title of this post was stolen. It was years ago, shortly after the onset of cassette tapes, (and only some of you will remember what those are) and in the ad was a famous woman singer who could hit a high note and shatter glass. The commercial was to prove that even her recorded voice could also shatter glass, when their particular brand of cassettes were used.
So how does this old memory come into play in my life? It represents my current season in God. I find myself questioning and asking constantly "Is this Truth, God? Or is it bull$#@%?" So many things I once believed without question are coming up before me and honestly, I am shocked and amazed that I didn't question them before.
What do I believe about that? Where do I stand on this? What is the truth? I am thankful that because I know Truth in the Person of Jesus, I have someone to go to with these questions. And though some would deduce that I am in a sad state of rebellion, I know that I am on a journey into a deeper walk with Him. And I rest assured that God is delighted with my questions. He is teaching me to ask the right ones. I am inquiring of the Lord to show me His heart on these matters.
I am thankful for this outlet, this place where I am able to verbalize some of my ponderings and in the sharing even work out and solidify greater convictions. To some this may be too frightening and unnerving and therefore I have lost readers. That's OK. I am not here to gain a following. My only desire is to be transparent in hopes that my questions might spur questions in you readers that will ultimately lead us all into deeper truth.

My children are not currently walking with the Lord, but I'm not really even sure what that statement means or if it is a true statement. They are not currently involved in corporate church, nor are they reading Scripture (to my knowledge), etc. So by all appearances they are not "walking with the Lord." Yet He said Himself that He never leaves us nor does He forsake us. So He must be walking with them!
Anyway, I find to my delight that I have grown in my relationship with God because of them, and because they have challenged me and my beliefs over the years. Just the simple question "How do you know God is real, Mom?" has the capacity to either launch a mother into a 10 minute lecture with many quoted Scriptures to emphasize the truth of her points, or in this mother's case it has caused me to stand even more solid on the basis of my truth. "I know because I know Him." That has been my answer. "And I cannot talk you into anything because I was not talked into anything. I know because He is real to me, as real as you are. I know because I don't know....but I know." Stupid sounding answers, and frustrating all the more to the hearer I'm sure, but what other answer can I give? I can only pray that my life.....that this perfect love that has set me free to truly live, will be enough to one day cause them to desire to know Him also.

And as for quoting Scriptures, I think I have developed a new rule. I'm not saying everyone should live by it, but you should. Do not quote a Scripture unless it has become living personal revelation. We all do it, don't we? We hear a pastor or a preacher use some Scripture in his message, and we have no personal revelation on that Scripture, maybe we have never even heard it before, but we walk away sort of like "Yea, what he said." and we find ourselves using it on the next person to back up our point. Or maybe to back up his point which has now become our point without our ever having studied the matter ourselves. But is that the Word? Doesn't our enemy know the Scriptures probably even  more than most of God's people? And didn't he use them for evil against our Lord? Without personal revelation it is only words, not Word.
I believe this is a time in the Kingdom when fresh manna is being poured out. I believe that greater revelation is ours for the taking.....that precious gems are available to anyone willing to dig for them.....and I sense that this era of the church will be monumental in the direction of Her future. There will always be those who are content with leftovers. There will always be some who prefer to have their food pre-chewed and pre-packaged with complete directions attached. But for those of you who are hungry....and who feel the new wind of the Spirit blowing on your backs, blowing off the dust of what has been and blowing up feelings of discontent, be encouraged! God doesn't serve leftovers. He has a banquet table prepared for us, and His food is fresh. His meal is satisfying and life giving. I am excited to partake with you. I am excited to taste the newness of Him, because one thing I do know for sure......He is good!! How do I know this? He has proved Himself to me time and time again. My prayer is that He would show you His goodness today. And may we all come to truly know because we know Him.

Terra Nova

Terra Nova. New Ground. New ground is exciting, unknown, rocky, uncultivated, sometimes hard, often mucky, full of adventure and promise, but also difficult to navigate. And how does one begin to bring forth a good crop on new ground? First by removing the rocks and obstacles. Then one must begin plowing up the ground. OK. Making progress. What next? Water I think. And when I think of water, I think it must be poured out. So for new ground to be cultivated, it must involve some pouring out. Where to pour? Where to start?
I must confess that this all seemed much easier back when I was "plugged in".
Though I served in a wonderful church for almost 20 years, in hindsight I sometimes ask myself, "Who was I serving? Was I serving God or man.....or myself? How often was I serving the lost? How much of my service does the church need anyway? Jesus said Himself that the sick are the ones in need of a doctor. Would the corner clinic be effective if they only serviced themselves, only treated the ailments and afflictions of their own staff? How effective are we at serving the sick? The lost? The addicted? The homeless? Those in need of a doctor?

Seasons. Life is all about seasons. God is all about seasons. We must learn to discern the times and seasons. A time to sow. A time to reap. A time to rest. You get the picture.
What is the season of the church? What is the time we are currently in? That is a very loaded question and to ask it brings up many answers, some defensive....some pensive. Many fear the question because their lives and livelihoods depend on the church remaining the same. But some of us are daring to ask the question. Some of us are feeling the winds of change blowing. Some are daring to journey out across this Jordan to a land unknown, and to new ground not yet cultivated.


"Do not forsake the fellowship of the saints." Or as Hebrews 10:25 says, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
I believe wholeheartedly in our need for fellowship, in my need for fellowship. As one who is presently without that need being fulfilled, I realize it even more. I have been without regular face to face intimate fellowship for over a year now, yet I have not been out of church. How can that be? You see, I have not had my need for fellowship met within the churches I have attended. The fellowship that I have been blessed to enjoy (thank God for the internet and cell phones) and continue to maintain was birthed from an intimate setting. The encouragement that I have needed I have received from intimate friends within intimate settings. The needed accountability I have been blessed to receive has also come from this place.
But wait, we have been instructed that to be out of the corporate church means we are "uncovered" and in danger! Yet I wonder how many people actually feel "covered" by their pastors? I mean, with corporate church attendance in the hundreds to even thousands, how can a pastor "cover" so many? How can one man hold each member of his flock accountable, or speak into each life from an earned place of relationship?

Church. If not how it has been, then how? Are we willing to be the pioneers who will seek the One who knows the answer to that question? Or will we just continue on, business as usual, afraid of what the answer might look like?

The Scripture talks about a bride leaving her family to cleave to her husband, this is a very important and needed process in a marriage. I am the Bride of Christ. I feel as if He is has called me out to cleave to Him for a season.  Just like a new bride, I feel a bit apprehensive in this marriage relationship. Sometimes I miss the security of my family. I even miss being told what to do by them, and the rules I was required to follow. But I am determined to cleave to my Husband. I want to hear His voice. I want to know His thoughts. I want to understand His ways. I will follow Him wherever He leads me. He has my heart. Oh, but He is a jealous Lover......

Battle Scarred

I have read a lot of things lately on spiritual warfare and warring in the spirit......what does it mean? I am serious, I don't think I even get it. Do they mean we are to get mad, get angry....shout.....curse the devil and then quote Scripture at him? I know our weapons are not carnal.....but then what are they? I feel like the only weapon I know how to use is the weapon of worship and honestly I wield it mostly to survive. But is that enough? Am I warring enough? Am I enough of a threat to my enemy? My battle takes place most often in my mind, in my affections. Will I give up and turn to other lovers; or will I keep my face turned toward the face of the Lover of my soul? Will I trust Him even when everything screams I am a fool for doing so? Will I continue to wait on Him.....for days....weeks.....years? Will I walk in joy in the midst of terrible sorrow? Will I remain upright when all I want to do is stay in bed, pulling the covers over my head? Will I continue to believe when I see no results? Will I continue to pray when I see no answers? Will I continue to love even when love is not returned? Will I choose to forgive knowing it will be required of me again and again? Can I keep my heart open when it hurts so deeply? Will I protect myself or trust? This is my battle. So will I take the battle into my own hands, or will I choose to trust the Man who saved me? Is He really trustworthy? Does He really have my back? Is He truly good? Though this day, this moment, my feelings betray me.....my spirit knows the answer. Therefore, the battle is won.

Unplugged

That title was given to me by a dear friend and I like it. I might need to change the name of this blog to "Holly, Unplugged." I have been unplugged from church this past year and a half. If a recording that isn't polished is called "unplugged" then it fits. I feel like I'm being polished by God which I suppose could be seen from man's perspective as quite unpolished. But I usually love those recordings, the live ones. It seems to me like the real music comes through.....the heart of the musicians. Which brings me to the heart of this post. Has church become too "polished" or so outwardly perfect that we are squeezing the life right out of our meetings?

Speaking as an outsider....well, not really although some would think that is what I am because I am not currently plugged in to a church...... ( Some of you have already clicked off this post because you are afraid you might hear something that will lead you astray). Anyway, for those of you who are still with me, what I mean is that I have had the opportunity to take a look from the "outside in" at what we call church, and I have developed a totally different perspective than the one I had for the 20 years I was very "plugged in." And this perspective is challenging me in more ways than I have ever been.

This is "put away your books, it's time to start walking and talking it" time! Another dear friend said that and I love it! (Don't you feel better about me already, knowing that I still have dear friends who speak into my life?) Anyway, that statement spoke to me because it is my current challenge.....walking and talking the Book. I find myself challenging my doctrine; "Is this something man said, or is it You, God?" because I have learned that not everything I have been taught by man is God. And I have learned that it's OK. And I am learning to think on my own and examine what I believe. Yep. I'm using my brain which I know is kind of scary to some who know me. I guess my current question is, "When did the church decide that our job is to portray perfection? When did our gatherings become so "polished?" Because I think that it might be making us ineffective to the very people for whom Jesus came and for whom He sends us. Maybe it's time to change our focus.

While using this brain of mine, I have been reading a book by John Crowder called "The New Mystics." (Are you still there? That title might be kind of scary, but I would recommend this book to anyone who is seeking after God and the "more" of Him.) In the book he shares stories of the saints who have gone before us, and whose blood sweat and tears paved the way for where we are today. One of these accounts is of Lonnie Frisbee who was an amazing forerunner in the whole "Jesus Movement" and helped to plant what is now known as Calvary Chapel and also the Vineyard churches. While reading of this forerunner I read not only of his powerful ministry including many signs and wonders, but I also read of his humanity. He was divorced, he struggled with homosexuality, and ultimately died early of AIDS and was in the end shunned by the very ministries that were birthed from his anointing. I am reminded once again of all the imperfect saints who went before me, and I take comfort in the knowledge of their imperfections. In fact, their imperfections seem to be a perfect example of the kindness of God. And I wonder if there would even be room for these imperfect saints in the church setting today? It is affirmed to me as I read, that one can be powerfully anointed and loved and used by God for His purposes......and yet remain imperfect! Aha! There is hope for me!!


What if we literally had to wear our sins on our sleeves. Wow. Now that would be an interesting service, wouldn't it? I believe that we would all find ourselves looking for a fig leaf under which to hide. But maybe, just maybe, it would actually be a "safer" place for the unsaved seekers to come. Maybe they would breathe a sigh of relief as they looked around at all of our sins and imperfections and decide we are a place where they might actually belong......heck, a place where I might actually belong.
Maybe we have been self-centered far too long. Maybe the church has been focused on herself way too much. We have spent so much time in meetings and classes, Bible studies and building expansions; maybe it is time for us to look up and look out and see what is going on around us. Have we been so focused on our ministries that we have stopped ministering? We strive for perfect meals, perfect bodies, perfect houses, perfect "quiet times" and even perfect church services....and it seems like a bunch of crap to me! Has our quest for self-perfection and "self-help" crept (crapped?) into the church setting to the point where His grace is no longer needed? Have we strayed away from the basics?  The danger in striving for perfection is we begin holding up our standards as a measuring rod for others. Maybe we have become so good at "doing church" that we have lost our purpose.
What if the Good News of grace was preached more in our gatherings? What if we created a loving atmosphere where we could truly confess our sins one to another? What if we learned to trust the Holy Spirit to do His job? I wish that when we gather we could stay focused......on Jesus, He said He would build His church anyway. What if we stopped focusing on our buildings.....or even miracles, signs and wonders, and stayed focused on the greatest miracle of all, His grace?

As we continue our search for a church to plug into, I am finding that my perfect church, the place I feel most at home, is the one that is seemingly most "imperfect." Maybe the worship leader forgets the lyrics to a song and just sings her own. Or perhaps the woman in the row behind us is singing off key, and the young man in front smells like cigarettes. Maybe the pastor can't get up to preach because he is lying in the corner getting whacked by God. In the midst of it all, I would find I'm so thankful that God sees me as "perfectly imperfect."  I am learning that "perfect love" does not require outward perfection and is in fact quite messy at times. May I learn to relax in His grace and truly fulfill His commandment to love my brother, imperfections and all......and remember that my own imperfections might be the very kindness God uses to bring him to repentance.

Sin.....What did Jesus say?

I want to write a "thank you note" to all of you who have taken the time to read my ramblings, and so graciously commented on them. I am blessed and excited to be on this journey with each of you, and I cherish the freedom to share my ponderings along the way. I pray that each of you are somehow spurred by my questions, not to blindly agree with me but to seek out the answers for yourself. We must be encouraged to break out of the Mosaic mold of one man hearing God and all others relying on what he heard, to the New Kingdom Jesus brought to us by going away so that we could have constant fellowship through the Holy Spirit. He is our Teacher, and we are encouraged by our Lord to "be taught" by Him. I grieve that possibly the church setting as it has remained for so many years has limited our revelatory capacity. I do not believe it is the heart of a good pastor to share and expect the listeners to take his word as the final word. But in our laziness, and even busyness, I believe that is often the case.

OK. On to the subject of this post.....the subject of sin and what Jesus' said about it. Honestly, it is very surprising when one gets out a concordance and searches for the words of Jesus on the subject of sin....surprising in that there aren't very many.....words that is....regarding sin. Other than He said don't do it. But even that He didn't say very often. And interestingly enough, He said those words to people to whom He had first revealed Himself by a very loving act of compassion.
The Pharisees were always trying to point out sin and sinners to Jesus. He would always put them in their place by exposing their own sinfulness. In fact, what I found while searching out the matter is that Jesus used the word "sin" most often when referring to the religious leaders. Interesting, huh?
In the book of John, Jesus....while speaking of the Holy Spirit....tells them that He will convict us of sin. I did not find any commandments given by our Lord to us, to make sure we try to convict each other of sin. Instead, He told them to receive the Holy Spirit and then told them He would lead them into all truth, and also convict them of sin.
The few times that Jesus did mention sin to those people who did not know Him, He would always do so within an atmosphere of love. "There. I healed you. Now go and sin no more." More like a prescription for future health.

In all, I only found 10 uses of the word "sin" in the Gospels, all of them in different contexts, but none of them in Jesus' instructions to His disciples. Sin was not mentioned in the book of Mark, nor was it in Luke. John mentions it the most. Which causes me to wonder if sin was mentioned most by the writers who were most hung up on it?
What I did find Jesus commanding us to and focusing on is love. He simply said "Love God, love others." "Go and wait until you receive the Holy Spirit. You're gonna need Him to teach you and guide you into everything you need." He focused on relationship.

I believe that Jesus knew His purpose. He knew and understood that He came to show us a new way of life so that sin would no longer hold us in bondage. And He also knew that His greatest act of obedience, dying on the cross, would deal with sin's power once and for all. So why teach on it, be hung up on it, or feel the need to train us in how to point it out in others?
The enemy tempts us, finds our weakness.....and we succumb to him, act on it, and "sin". Then he immediately moves in on us with accusations (he is the accuser of the brethren) so he tempts us with sin, then says "Aha! Look at you! You did or are doing this and this! You horrible sinner!" So my concern is, how does our coming into agreement with the accuser help anyone?  Whose side are we on, anyway?
But love......now that is an altogether different story. It has been my experience that we are way more proficient in pointing out sin, fearing sin, examining sin and talking about sin than we have been loving. I don't know about you, but I welcome a new focus. I say may we all be so hung up on love....on receiving God's love, on sharing testimonies of His love, being determined to make love our highest goal.....that the atmosphere around us changes....just as it did around Jesus.....that men would truly be drawn to us by our love. That they would no longer steer clear of us for fear we would expose their sins, but the power sin has over them would simply melt in the sweet atmosphere of love around us.
Instead of bearing signs of condemnation and pointing fingers at sin, may we lovingly point the sinner to the open arms of the One who dealt with it completely.

Love the Sinner. Period.

I am being challenged right now in almost every area of my life. Challenge, while I would never actually welcome it in the sense of saying “bring it on” I’m finding to be an amazingly freeing friend. The trick is to not resist challenge, but to give in to it and allow it to have it’s way.
Not only am I being challenged on my “beliefs” but I am also challenging myself and those things I have thought to be truth. I am learning to ask God the right questions, and He has been quick to answer. I am allowing Him to undo some thinking that I have recently found was not really truth. I am asking Him to show me His heart on some very important matters. I am finding His heart to be way different than I might have once thought. Challenging for sure.

Which brings me to a quote that I have recently been examining and now find myself challenging. “Love the sinner hate the sin.” First off, what does that even mean? It isn’t in the Bible. Can we truly love someone while all the time hating their sin or sinful behavior? Hate is a very strong emotion. I am not sure that true love can come through me and be displayed if I am standing in judgment of someone else's sin. Honestly, doesn't some of that judgment spill over onto the person doing the sinning? Well, I found that to be true in my life. Didn’t Jesus deal with sin once and for all? So why must we hate it? Shouldn’t sin be a non-issue? Were we called to love God and love others, or to hate sin?

What about “His yoke is easy, His burden is light“? What does that mean really? We talk about the yoke of sin. But I found that even though my own yoke of sin has been broken, and even though I am walking in the fullness of His forgiveness, I had picked up a yoke of another kind. The yoke of judgment….judging the sins of others. Can anyone relate? We take on false responsibility, we are determined to make God proud by not standing for any sin to come near us. We will love others, but if they are blatantly sinning…well, then we must make it our duty and call to put a “but“ on our love. I love you, but……I cannot disciple you or have fellowship with you because I must hate your sin. You see, others are watching me and if I actually have relationship with you, an obvious sinner, others will somehow get the idea that I “approve“ of you and approve of sin!
How silly is this way of thinking when examined closely, because we can only apply these boundaries to those few whose sin is out in the open for our judgment. What about the closet sinner? What about the accepted sins? (gossip, gluttony, etc.) What about our own personal accepted sins? Do we apply these same standards? Of course not. So aren‘t we really trying to appear loving when in fact we are only being self-righteous? Ouch. I would say that we are not really free until we can love someone who is walking in visible obvious sin, without feeling the need to “fix” them.

Hidden agendas. That is what God wants to deal with in His people. He wants to expose our hidden agendas.  And trust me, we all have them. Yep, the church has them. Every time we talk to a stranger with the sole purpose of “getting them saved” we have a hidden agenda. Let’s examine this. Is it Biblical? Is it truly loving? Are we to view the world and all people as “projects” that we are to fix or as outsiders we are to somehow coerce “in”? Or are we called to love others and love God, period? What have we added to the Good News, to the gospel? We received freely by grace, we were saved while we were yet sinners, and none of us accepted His salvation and achieved immediate perfection. I don’t know about you, but I am still way off the mark.  Why do we demand it of others? Why are we so afraid to love the sinner.....period?

Well....the Bible teaches us to go and make disciples. Disciples of what? Of love? Of church? Of Christianity? Of Jesus? I don’t think I can make anybody a disciple of Jesus, I think He would have to do that Himself. And He seems pretty good at it too. I don’t believe I am to make people disciples of my church or my beliefs, yet that seems to be our point most of the time. Our goal often becomes “Get them into church….invite them to church…….put on a big holiday play extravaganza so they will come to our church…” What are we selling anyway? What gospel are we presenting?

And how have we become so “Us vs. Them” in our thinking?
Is it us….Christians…..vs. the world….sinners? Or is it even more divisive than that? Has it become Us vs. All other churches….Us vs. All other religions….Our church is better than your church……we do it right you do it wrong. Pre trib vs. Post trib. Good guys vs. Bad guys. I thought the only war we’re in here is "good vs. evil" and I thought that war was already won. How did we lose focus? When did all of this competition seep into our thinking? Where will it end?

The wonder of Christianity has always been in the “inclusiveness” of it. God invites us into His story. He invites us into true life. He paved the way for us to come, through His Son Jesus. And we get to invite others in…to Him. To freedom, life and love. And we don’t get to pick and choose who gets in, or even how long it takes them to clean up their act once they are in. We only get to come alongside of them and love. And we get to trust Holy Spirit to do all the fixing. The truly amazing thing about love, this kind of no strings attached love, is it seems to miraculously create just the right atmosphere for the Holy Spirit to do His amazing work, His work of “fixing” or healing or whatever we might call it. Our "job" or yoke is to love, and love creates a safe work environment, and the Spirit does the work. How cool is that?? I love my job!!!

There is freedom in this Kingdom. Freedom to never be an outcast again. Freedom to put down our expectations and fears and prejudices and judgments and take a deep breath and just….....love.
His yoke is easy, His burden is light. He has set me in a very large place. I sense my territory just got expanded by acres.....and I am excited!! God's love is enough! It is so vast, that it will plow right through every deception and every torment and every lie the enemy can try to keep people bound in.!!
His love is the greatest power on earth!
Free at last, free at last….thank God Almighty, I’m free at last!!!!!

Tiffy Truths

For those of you who don't know, I have a little dog......and she is the cutest dog in the world. Truly. I call her my little ball of joy. She teaches me constantly. Yes, I know it is strange to think that a three pound dog could be such a source of revelation and wisdom, but she is.

Tiffy has never met a stranger. She loves everyone and believes it is her purpose in life to meet and greet all humans and to "love" them. I marvel at people's reactions to her. When they see her from a distance, most can't help but smile. It is an amazing thing to observe....."love unleashed." (Well, she is on a leash....but the love she carries is free to anyone who wants to receive!)
I watch as a new person approaches and I can tell when they first see her. A big grin breaks over each face at the sight of her wiggly cuteness. She begins to tug on her leash, little stubby tail waving in excitement. She can not wait to meet them. Her whole countenance says "I'm here!! Here I am! Aren't I cute? Aren't I special? I bet you can't wait to meet me!!"
Oh, that I would walk down the street with such joy, with such freedom to love that others would immediately grin at the sight of me. What would it be like to be so secure, so perfectly loved, that I would just assume everyone I met would love me? I can just imagine the freedom and the joy that would spread from such an attitude!

Even more amazing is Tiffy's reaction to the rare sole who is uninterested in her. It doesn't happen often, but every once in a while she encounters someone who doesn't share her enthusiasm. Whether they are too busy to stop or notice, or they don't like dogs, or perhaps they don't like little dogs....whatever the case may be....she will still run right up to them with exactly the same excitement as she shows the woman who starts talking to her in a high pitched voice from a block away. She is fearless! When this happens, when the love she extends isn't returned, she doesn't sulk. She doesn't pout with rejection, nor does she fear it. Her tail continues to wag. Her body continues to vibrate with joy. I believe she is thinking "How sad.....how very sad that he didn't even take the time to meet me. He is sure missing out!" She continues to be available to love, and to be loved, no matter the past rejection. She just continues on, in love. I really admire her attitude.

Yep, Tiffy assumes that everyone loves her and most people do. I want to live like that! I want to love like that! I want to give myself in love, with no worries about how or even "if" I will be received, with absolutely no fear of rejection. I want to move through life in perfect love, extending love with no strings attached and no reservations. I want to spread joy wherever I go.....pouring out onto whomever I encounter.

God loves all creatures, great and small. I know one very small creature who has a whole lot of love to share, and who constantly reminds me that I have a whole lot more to learn about His love.

What do you see?

In my last post about perspective, we examined the Scripture from Proverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision, people perish." Some translations say "Where there is no revelation (prophetic vision), the people cast off restraint..." In other words, without seeing from God's perspective we run wild. I might say that with no vision, no Kingdom sight, I would become so discouraged that I might just lose hope and run wild too.

Revelations 3:18 tells us to anoint our eyes with eyesalve that we may "see".....

God began talking to me about "sight" long ago. Since then I am struck with how very many times the word "see" or "look" is used just in the New Testament. There must be something to this "seeing" He continues to bring up to us.

In the Old Testament, the word see has many meanings......
see: behold--to dream--to gaze--to have a vision of--prophesy--a view--to look upon--to look intently at--to regard with pleasure--to survey--perceive

I found that in the New Testament, the same word translated "see" has many, many more meanings. It fascinates me to think that such a little, often overlooked word, holds such mysteries and fulness.

see: receive sight--see fully--beware--take heed--to look through--recover full vision--see clearly--understand--to discern clearly--with pleasure, gladly--to visit--to acknowledge--consider--to be a spectator of--to denote surprise (lo!)--to be knowing--open eyes--to gaze with wide open eyes at something remarkable--continual inspection--to brighten up--enlighten--illuminate

Think about it! Even the word "see" takes on fuller and greater meaning once Jesus came! And since Holy Spirit came to us, our eyes were opened and we can see! We are a prophetic people. What were the prophets of the Old Testament often called? Seers! We are "seers"!! We have been given the ability to see with Kingdom eyes, to look past what may be in the natural realm, and to see what is actually taking place in the Kingdom realm. We are a people who have been given "sight" or vision so that we do not perish! But we have to learn to use this new eyesight. We have to practice seeing.

What do we see? What do I see? Do I see lack, or do I see His provision? Do I see sin or do I see through the eyes of grace? Do I see trouble and suffering or do I see life and redemption? What do I see? It all depends on what I am looking through. Are my eyes glorified and sanctified? Am I beholding His beauty? Am I answering His call to "come up here" so that He can show me?

What is our prayer? I find myself often wanting God to change my circumstance, wanting God to remove a trial or a challenge from my path. But my prayer has become "Lord, give me eyes to see! Father, I need the grace to see from Your perspective! I don't want to miss what You are showing me in this!"

As we answer His call to "come up here....come up higher" our vision, our "sight" changes. His Word says that we are seated in heavenly places with Him. What does that mean? It means that we have a new perspective. We have been given the advantage of seeing from above, seated next to God....seeing as He sees. Same circumstance, same earthly reality....but with heavenly sight and perspective, we begin to live in a different realm. We are called to a realm where things are not as they "seem"...."I once was blind, but now I see!!!"

Perspective

The whole concept of perspective continues to intrigue me.
We have lived in a 5th wheel camper for the past year now. It has been both freeing and challenging at the same time, depending on my perspective. I often think about the differences between "camping" and "living." If I were simply camping in this trailer, many of my day to day annoyances would not exist. For one thing, we would be traveling and moving around, and so the excitement of the experiences and adventure would override the daily difficulties. Craig would not be working, so there would be no need for freshly pressed shirts, which are an almost impossible notion. We would most likely be going where the weather is warm, so most of our meals would be cooked out on the BBQ, alleviating the frustration of trying to produce dinner in a tiny "kitchen" where counter space is non-existent. Camping is fun! Living in a camper....well, often not so much. Same 5th wheel, different perspective.

Another example that comes to mind is staying in a hotel. When I lived in a house my perspective was completely different. While I loved to travel, I rarely fully enjoyed a hotel room and found myself longing to be home in my nice comfortable bed, showering in my nice big shower, and no matter how good it was to get away there was no better feeling than to step through the front door of my home. But oh how my perspective has changed! Now we can't wait to go on a trip, any little jaunt is an excuse to rent a hotel room. Oh yes, to bask in the very largeness, to be free to shower and let the water run while I soap up or shampoo my hair! It is heavenly indeed, and I appreciate every moment from running around the room to rolling on the king sized bed. We are in no rush to return to our tiny little trailer, tiny little shower and water heater, and much smaller than we're used to bed. Same hotel room, different perspective.

Perspective. "The ability to see things in a true relationship." Perspective. How we "see" determines our perspective and how things "seem." God is constantly changing my perspective. As I come into greater relationship, "true relationship" with Him, my perspective changes. My ability to see shifts.

Interesting note: I am a contact lens wearer. I have worn glasses since the second grade. I can hardly see past my own nose. One thing I have noticed over the years, is that if I have my contacts out and my vision is blurry, it seems to also affect my ability to hear. Whether it is because part of hearing is reading lips, which requires sight, I do not know. But I do know that I can't hear as well when I can't see.
Pertaining to God again, He desires for us to see from His perspective, and when we do it is much easier to hear His voice.

Revelation 3:18 instructs the lukewarm church to  "......anoint your eyes with eyesalve that you may see" referring here to seeing from a Kingdom perspective. They thought they were fine, rich in fact. When the reality is they were spiritually poor and barren. One commentator shares that the Greek word for eyesalve used here is "kollourion" and this eyesalve came in little lumps shaped like loaves of bread. In other words, look upon the Word and see from God's perspective. Allow God to give you sight. Rub the bread of life into your eyes, change your vision, get a godly perspective!
 
Proverbs 29:18 says "Where there is no vision, the people perish." The word for "vision" there is "sight", so it is saying without proper sight, we will die. Many of us read this Scripture, and think that without a vision of the future the people perish. But I would say that if we are not seeing with God's perspective in every daily circumstance, we could allow the circumstance to overwhelm us! Remember, discouragement is the enemy of faith. Our current "reality" needs to be seen through anointed eyes, needs to be looked at from a heavenly perspective. Proper perspective adjusts our vision and guards our faith!

Are there days when I grow weary of living in this 5th wheel? Yes! But when I turn to Him, when I anoint my eyes with the eyesalve of His Word, and allow God to adjust my sight, He gives me a new perspective. I find that I am once again thankful....for this adventure He has us on. I am thankful that we are not tied down with a house payment. I am thankful that my husband is free to explore new job possibilities. I am thankful for a dry place to sleep at night, and especially for all of the amazing experiences we have had in this past year. I am thankful for the life He has given me. Same 5th wheel, new perspective.

I once was blind, but now I see! Perspective.....Vision.....Sight. Stay tuned....more to come.......

Freedom

Anyone who knows me well has heard me speak the following words...."Freedom begets freedom." I really believe this is the key to life. Even more than just life, abundant life. Freedom is the key to abundant life. And Jesus came to set the captives free! People who are living a fearless life, a life of freedom, spur everyone around them to desire that kind of life! Freedom is contagious!

Did you ever notice how being around an extremely insecure person can be very tiring? It causes us to feel so uncomfortable that we want to escape. We all know people who apologize all of the time, who seem to apologize just for being alive. It is as if they know they are not living their true life, and it makes them so aware of their shortcomings that they are constantly "sorry."

But have you ever been in the presence of a person who is free to be themselves, with no apologies? (Now, I'm not talking about the one whose mantra is "Hey, this is how I am and if you don't like it too bad..." That is not freedom but an excuse for bad behavior.) I am speaking here of one who is fully and completely free in the security of who he or she is in Jesus. I'm talking of someone who has been seen by Him and who has found safety and security in His eyes. A person who is being restored to their true self. They are like a breath of fresh air, because there are no apologies needed.  This type of freedom always manifests itself in love and safety, and it draws people. It is not a shallow type of love or a boring kind of safety....but an excitement which stirs others, and challenges them to live!

I read this quote by Oswald Chambers that sums up what I am trying to express "The resounding evidence of the Holy Spirit in a person's life is the unmistakable family likeness to Jesus Christ, and the freedom from everything which is not like Him."

When I am fully loved, fully filled, fully healed and fully and completely "me" then I am free from the temptations that bog me down and try to choke the life out of me. I am free to love freely and generously because I am not fearful that I will be hurt. I am free to give testimonies of how wonderful my God is, because I have experienced His wonder. I can be fully me and trust that "myself" is good enough because God desires me! I am alive!

Maybe we have simplified the Gospel to be nothing more than a ticket out of this world and a guarantee of heaven. But life is so much more than that!! God sent His Son to restore us.....to set us free! Free to live!!  He came to shatter the false selves that we have had to rely on in order to survive in this fallen world. He came to return us to our original design, to our true identity, our "Edenic" beauty.....He came to give us abundant life! Too many people are living a "survive until I can escape" life. That is really sad, and not at all what God intended. Jesus gave His life so that we could have a LIFE like Him! Does your life look at all like the life of Jesus? If not, it is available to you. But you have to go after it. You have to want to live! "Today I have given you the choice between life and death..." (Deut. 30:19) You have to go after "life" with everything that's in you! All life is found in God, in Jesus. There is no real life without Him. So to go after "life" is to go after God. Seek Him, and allow Him to raise you up out of the ashes of your "sorry" life. Allow Him to shatter every part of your false self. Ask Him to show you who you really are and to give you your true identity.

As we begin to walk in freedom, all those around us will desire this freedom, and the love of God which is the "life" of God will overtake the darkness of this earth. This is how disciples are made. This is the Good News of the Gospel! Freedom begets freedom!!!

The Comforter

We are moving.....again. It is really sort of low stress in the usual sense of packing and loading, because we live in a 5th wheel. Most of our things, which are few, are already packed into our home on wheels. But we did have a few "extras" that we were sorting through yesterday before a trip to Goodwill. Will the downsizing ever end?


One of the extra items we came across was a down comforter, a king size down comforter with a beautiful cover on it. How I loved that thing, so heavy and warm. I remember when I first bought it many years ago when we lived on the farm. We had just built (we meaning Craig mostly) a huge addition which included a new master bedroom suite. It was so beautiful to me, this huge new luxurious bedroom. I remember searching for the perfect bedding, and my excitement when I finally found it. It was as if God gave me exactly what I pictured in my heart. Every night we would get into bed, and I would lie there amazed at how blessed I was, and declare that our bedroom felt like a fancy hotel room, and I felt like a princess. That was a very trying but also extremely healing phase of my life, and I think back with fondness of the warmth of that comforter.

So there hubby stood with comforter in hand, asking me what I wanted to do with it? Well, the answer seemed obvious to him. We should get rid of the thing, since we only have a queen size bed in this trailer and haven't we had it for years anyway? But I found myself pausing for a bit. Quite a bit. I was sort of surprised at my own hesitation. How could I let that comforter go? After all, it held so many memories, and it was so beautiful......exactly what I wanted (and needed) at the time!
Hubby patiently put it aside and said I didn't have to get rid of it, I could keep it if I wanted to. Whew. That was better. But wait. Is that God I feel nudging me? Is that Him asking me the question "Holly, Who is your Comforter?"
Thankfully, I knew the answer right away. But even though I am now quite secure in His love and goodness, I realized that I still have a tendency to want to hang on to the past. I still have emotional attachments to "things" that tend to weigh me down. And I still find it hard sometimes to step out into the unknown.

God comes to us with so much to give us. But we often have our hands (even arms) so full of the stuff we are hanging on to, that we cannot receive from Him. He is taking me on a new adventure to a new land. The thought, while exciting, is also a bit unsettling. And because of our upcoming move and the uncertainty of it I found myself wanting to grab onto something familiar....something comforting.

The Bible talks about God being "jealous" for us. This statement angers many who don't really know Him, and keeps others away. I think they might misinterpret the meaning. I don't see God being jealous over me because He is greedy and doesn't want anyone else to have me. I see it more that in His wisdom, He knows that if I don't guard my love for Him, if Holy Spirit is not truly my source of Comfort, then I will find myself running off to other lovers to try and find comfort. This will only serve to damage my relationship with Him, and that relationship is what He is concerned about....for my own good.

I believe that the church is in a season of change. Change brings about a whole lot of uncertainty and insecurity. We have to be careful to examine our own hands, and ask Him to show us what we might be hanging on to for security. As the Holy Spirit is being poured out in ways we have never experienced, as new freedom is rushing in like a flood, the old comfortable ways have to go. We must empty our hands, so that God can fill them. I could hang on to that old comforter in hopes that some day I will have another big bedroom with another big bed to put it on. Or I can let it go, trusting in the goodness of my Creator....secure in the knowledge that whatever my future holds it won't just be the past repeated. No, it will be fresh and new and even better!! It will be like nothing I have ever experienced before. Now that is a real comfort to me.

Sanctity of Life

These past few months find me praying for many who have been diagnosed with cancer. I don't like it, but I have learned the hard way that God doesn't answer my "why" questions. He is teaching me which questions to ask and opening my spirit to deeper understanding.
My questioning has led me to focus on God's holiness, and His glory. He can be glorified in life and in death. He can be glorified in health and in sickness. Wow, this seems to me both miraculous and quite supernatural. He is giving me eyes to see greater mysteries than what lies merely on the surface. These discoveries keep Kingdom life exciting and build my faith in Him.

I have been meditating on the wonder of human life......the tremendous beauty of humanity. ...the sanctity of life. The meaning of sanctity is "holiness and the fact of being sacred." I am in awe of how fragile we are, held together by wonders too numerous to imagine. I think of all the brave souls who have gone before me, and I am struck with a deep sense of holiness in their struggle to live. Not just their fight, but the battles of their loved ones who contended in faith for their healing. This struggle to hang onto life, to cling to life not giving up or giving in even with horrible pain and against all odds and diagnoses; this is a very sacred thing. I can just see the angels watching in quiet awe of these sacred moments of humanity, then turning to the Father to worship Him for the wonders of His creation.
We know that we have been given life eternal, and I am not making light of that gift for it is what we hang on to in our loss. But even Jesus, when faced with His own death, asked if there might be a way out of it.....understanding the value of His own life here on earth....the sanctity of life.

This day, I have been made even more aware of how very spectacular this life is, human life....God's creation. And today I find myself in awe of every person I have known who has fought to hang on to life.
I believe that the fight itself is a gift to the Father.......an ultimate acknowledgment of His creation, in some cases a final act of worship. I believe that in contending for healing and fighting to live, one joins with God placing value on the very life He created. I think that by honoring life with such a brave display of courage, God is surely glorified.....