Are You Faithful?

I think many of us misunderstand "faithfulness". Maybe we have confused the word faithful with successful. We strap "obedience" onto faithfulness as if we are only faithful if we succeed in "doing" it all perfectly. But if we believe that successful obedience is what makes us faithful, then we must also believe that disobedience makes us unfaithful. And if we believe that this is the kind of faithfulness that pleases God, then we live in constant fear that if we blow it, we are "unfaithful" and God is gonna boot us. (Or at the very least, He is angry or disappointed in us.)
Maybe we have a wrong definition, or mindset about what it means to be faithful.

So...what is the definition of "faithful"?

faithful: loyal, devoted, steadfast in affection or allegiance.

Nowhere do I find the word "perfect". Our devotion is to some One, not some "thing". We are not devoted to a standard or law, but devoted to the One who loves us. Faith is dedication to a Person.
When faithfulness becomes "earning God's approval by our obedience and perfection" it can dangerously skew the way we see the Kingdom. It can be a door for disappointment to enter...disappointment with ourselves and others. If success is how we define faith, then the opposite of faith would be failure. But that isn't true!! True faith is the assurance of things hoped for! We're never gonna "arrive"! We're always gonna blow it! So to be faithful is to accept our failures with the assurance that God loves us anyway. He is teaching us and perfecting us in love. To continue to trust Jesus, the very author of faith, is to be assured that we can't fail! We will remain faithful because HE is faithful!!!

What is your picture of faithfulness (perfection)? Is it the family who attends church every Sunday and whose children are well behaved? Or maybe it's someone who doesn't cuss, or prays an hour every day, or never blows it in anger. There are so many standards...so many things by which we judge the "faithful". By these standards, we are saying that God accepts us because we are good. And that is completely anti-Gospel! We cannot "muster up" our own goodness in order to prove ourselves faithful! But...to believe God hears us and never turns from us...and to continue to turn to Jesus trusting that we are always welcomed by Him...requires great faith...the faith that pleases God.

This morning, God changed my thinking and challenged my standard. He showed me a different standard of faithfulness. The drunkard who fell off the wagon yet again, and staggers home to fall into bed...singing "Jesus loves me, this I know..." through his tears...is faithful. The mother who sells her body because it is the only way she knows to feed her child...all the while praying "Oh God, help this to be over quickly"...is faithful.

And just like them, I am faithful! Not because I am successful in my own perceived perfection. I am faithful because I am devoted to Jesus. I am faithful because when I do blow it, I immediately turn to Him. I am faithful because I trust in His goodness and His unwavering love for me, no matter how far I fall!  
Because I trust Him with my failures...I am faithful. Are you?

Jesus, Why Were You Crying?

 This morning, I sit with Jesus in the silence of my home. And in the silence of my spirit I ask, "Jesus, why were You crying?"

Jesus wept. John's Gospel account, chapter eleven, verse 35.
The shortest and one of the most intriguing verses in Scripture.
But, why did He weep? I ask the question, but I really don't want your answer. I don't want the answers of theologians or the answer in the side-notes of my Bible, or even Wikipedia. While I'm not certain I will ever hear His answer, still...I will ask the question.

We like to think, and maybe we were taught to think that Jesus cried out of His great compassion for Mary and Martha's suffering. Their beloved brother was dead, Lazerus was also Jesus' friend, and everyone was grieving. Was He struck with grief too? But wait, why would He be? Jesus knew He was about to raise Laz from the dead! He also understood that eternal life, the kind of Life He came to give us, wasn't about some "future resurrection" as Martha believed. Eternal Life was right there in that moment...Eternal Life was and is Jesus. So, was this it Lord? Were they simply tears of human compassion? Did you cry because Lazerus died?

Mary's words must have really stung..."Lord, if you had been here, by brother wouldn't have died." Wow. Really, Mary? Are you saying that I blew it? Are you so discouraged, so blinded by your grief that you would accuse me of being too late? Don't you trust Me? Aren't we friends?

How often do we wallow in our own "if only's"? "If only You had answered my prayers my way, none of this would have happened." Do we believe He is good?
Was it Martha and Mary's attack on Your character, Lord? Is that why You cried?
 
I may never get an answer to my question. Jesus may not choose to speak to my heart or to clarify His tears to me. But because I love Him...I will ask. If any friend of mine is crying, my question would be the same. Whether she can answer, or not, I will ask...because I want her to know that I care. I want her to know that what is important enough to her to make her cry is also important to me. 

See, it isn't really about the answer. But by asking, I'm saying... "Your tears matter to me. You matter to me."

"Jesus, why were You crying?"

Blowin' in the Wind

The wind makes me feel so alive! While on my walk this morning, I had to avoid trash cans, and branches that were blowing all around the neighborhood. Dangerous!! But invigorating at the same time.

The wind reminds me of Jesus. He is so wild and dangerous too. I may try to calm him down with mental images of a peaceful guru in a robe and sandals. But once I got to know Him, I quickly found out how dangerous He really is. His invitation to "follow Me" was the beginning of a wild and invigorating adventure.

The Holy Spirit is often referred to as "the wind...the wind of the Spirit"...and I love the analogy. Wind is unpredictable. We can't chase wind down. We can't run over to one spot because the wind is there. Because as soon as we do, the wind will change direction and move someplace else. We can't contain the wind, nor can we tame it. But the wind always makes me feel alive. It reminds me that life is exciting! And I'm alive!!!

I am often like a tree in the wind, trying to hang onto it's leaves. But then a gust comes, and blows all of the leaves off in preparation for the next season. I, too, try to hold onto the season that is passed.  But as hard as I try, when the Spirit blows through, I am stripped of all that was...and pushed along into a new adventure.

But sometimes, the wind feels too dangerous. Like last year, when we were in our RV, and the table blew into it. That was a little too exciting! Sometimes the wind makes me feel vulnerable...and a little insecure.

These days, I love to climb into the hot tub and enjoy the storm from within its soothing water.
It reminds me that when life feels too wild and unpredictable, I can climb into the liquid warmth of God's love...and ride out the storm.

Helicopter Christians

Most of us have heard the term "helicopter parents" but if not, allow me to share the meaning: a style of child rearing in which an overprotective mother or father discourages a child's independence by being too involved in the child's life. Yep, I'm guilty. I didn't helicopter over my kids constantly, but there were many times I was way too overprotective, parenting out of fear.

Today, I am coining the phrase "Helicopter Christians"...because I see this behavior running rampant in Christianity today. We have become overprotective of those around us. We try to keep others from sinning. We are fearful that God cannot protect those we love, so we jump in with our feeble attempts to protect them. "Don't touch that! Don't talk like that! You should be...you need to be..." We have made ourselves demi-gods, believing we are responsible for other people's relationships with God, especially (ahem) our adult children. Oh God, how did we get here?

I picture a helicopter parent, hovering over her toddler, fearful that he will fall and get hurt in his early attempts to walk. It is a miracle the little bugger ever succeeds! But we do the same thing when we try to manage the sins of others. We flutter about, with our helicopter rotors spinning, hovering over loved ones, "helping" them with our corrections, trying to protect them from falling and getting hurt.

Well, today I am committed to landing the helicopter I have piloted for much too long. I am choosing to stay grounded...grounded in faith, choosing to trust in God's goodness, and His ability to perfectly handle everyone else, just as He takes care of me...

Jesus, Where Are You?

This is not a political post. My posts will never be political posts. By making that statement, I just lost a few readers. Because, sadly, some of us will only read political posts. Because some of us seem to have lost the Jesus of the Bible for the religion of politics. Think about it. How much time do we spend listening to the "news" or talk radio? How much reposting do we do of anything we read on Facebook that defends our political points of view? Where is Jesus in all of this?

Who are truly our founding fathers? Were they Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln? Or are our founding fathers Moses, David, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter, Paul, James, and Timothy? In what kingdom do we reside? The kingdom of America, or the Kingdom of God?

Most of you have seen the picture of the young girl holding a gun and a Bible. She was trying to make statement. But I ask you, what statement is she making? Can you remove this girl from the picture in your mind, and then replace her with an image of our Savior? Wouldn't that be an utterly ridiculous image! How will the world know that we are His disciples? Will they know Him by our guns? Have we lost sight of Jesus?

So many of the issues, the "fights" we are fighting, boil down to our "rights" but my Bible teaches me to lay down my rights, to lay down the right to my own life, and to follow Jesus. It is extremely troubling and sad to me that the God being represented to the younger generation is a gun-toting, political fighting, religious Rambo full of hate and judgment. And we wonder why churches are filled with old folks. Where is Jesus?

We fight for the right to pray in school. But my Bible tells me to go in a closet to pray! No one can truly keep me from praying, and from constantly communicating with God. Any student in any school is welcome to take a moment of silence and pray to Him. What are we fighting for? Where is Jesus?

Think about how many people are remembered as a representative of what God is like. There aren't many. But, almost every major city has a street named after Martin Luther King. Why is that? What did this man teach? What was he willing to die for? Was it this Jesus we seem to have lost sight of?

Why do we think we can fight the Muslim religion of guns and hatred with our "bigger, better and 'righter' religion" of guns and hatred? James tells us that religion that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God the Father is this: to visit and help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself unspotted and uncontaminated from the world. Are we keeping ourselves unspotted and uncontaminated when we listen to the voices of the world so much that we can no longer hear the voice of God? Are these other voices drowning out the voice of Jesus?

When people look at us, do they see Jesus? Or do they see "republican" or "democrat"..."right wing" or "liberal"?

My fellow Christians, I ask you:  Where is Jesus?

Prayer Works? Or God Works?

This morning I was taken back to a time in the hospital with a loved one who had survived a near death experience. While the loved one was alive, there was an injury that the doctors didn't think would heal completely, if at all. Now comes true confession time: I didn't believe this injury was going to heal either. In fact (this is the really shocking part) I was unable to even pray for the healing of this injury because I believed that because it was self-inflicted, God couldn't answer such a prayer. In my mind, He was as angry as I was, and therefore He couldn't work a miracle. After all, He is a just God, and even though He doesn't punish us, we do have to suffer the consequences of our bad choices (can anyone else relate to this line of thinking?) It never occurred to me to ask God what He was going to do. My mind was made up. I thought I knew Him. I thought He was like me.

I remember the very moment when I found out that not only was God healing the injury, He was going to heal it completely with no repercussions or long-lasting issues. I was shocked. My first thought was "But I didn't even pray!!" I remember Him saying to me "Yes, but I am healing...because this is who I Am. And I love to heal!" It was so profound, that I had to hide in the corner while the tears were flowing, in utter awe of His goodness and kindness toward us when we don't deserve it. And get this: even when we haven't asked.
That moment forever changed me. Because, think about it now...do we ever deserve the wonderful things God freely gives us? When had my gospel become so skewed as to imagine that if I didn't pray, if I didn't ask...if I'm not knocking, and fasting, and grunting and groaning and mustering up the right amount of faith, then God can't do anything. I didn't earn it! Me, me, me!!

That is how sneaky religion is...it teaches us that God needs us to pray, and to "do" things right, in order for Him to move. Like somehow we tie His hands when we don't pray, or "position ourselves" (don't even get me started on that phrase) correctly. So we must go to God, we must pray to God, out of duty...the understanding being that if we don't, then He is unable to carry out His plans upon the earth. The beauty of relationship is replaced by the drudgery of duty. (Kiss the lucky rabbit's foot and all will be well.)
Here's the thing, the reality I have experienced is so much greater and more beautiful than any such fear-based obligation.

There is a popular saying that has bothered me since I first heard it, "Prayer works." Hmm, isn't the truth that God works? And that He is working all of the time, constantly working salvation in the midst of the earth, and always working in us to bring Jesus out of us? Yes, I know what people mean when they say it, and yes I know it is only semantics...but is it really? To say "prayer works" puts it all back on us. I prayed, therefore this happened. Prayer works! Well then what happens when we prayed and what we wanted didn't happen? Did prayer not work? And if not, then isn't our ultimate conclusion that we didn't pray right? And if we didn't pray right so prayer didn't work, then don't we often give up praying at all?

Maybe our perception of prayer is a little twisted. Is prayer wanting something, then going to God with our list (sort of like sitting on Santa's lap at Christmas time) and telling God what we want, how we think things should be in our lives and the lives of others, and then with a quick "amen" going off believing that God will give us what we want? Does He ask us to partner with Him, or are we asking Him to partner with us? It is such a subtle difference...

I believe the reality is this: God draws us to Himself, then He chooses to trust us, like a good friend. In His humility and goodness, He desires for us to become so close to Him that we are "in the know" about what He is doing on the earth, and in those whom we love. And once we have gotten to know Him, and developed this close relationship, He invites us to partner with Him, to "pray" and see these wonderful things come about. It is all Him...but because He wants us to have glimpses of the Kingdom, and of real life, He lets us in on His secret workings upon the earth. He gives us assignments, directives, and purpose that will help further His Kingdom. Wow, the God of the Universe wants to hang out with us, to "chill" with us, and let us in on what He is up to! It isn't about our doing it "right" (praying, positioning, whatever) in order to see Him move...because He is always moving, with or without us. But how much more fun it is to be a part of His workings! It's like the boss calling you into his office to share his plans for the company with you, and then giving you his strategies to advance in the company! How amazing would that be?

Ultimately, had I prayed back then...I would have gotten to experience the Supernatural wonder of getting to partner with Him to see the ultimate manifestation of healing, and that would have been amazing. He would have shown me that He was planning on healing my loved one, and I would have been privileged to agree with Him for that to happen. But...even though I wasn't able to believe for it, He still healed...because that is who HE is!! And...He didn't berate me for not praying... instead He just showed me a greater measure of His character, which built up my faith in Him!

Prayer is amazing, and fun! And as we sit with Him learning of His secrets our relationship with Him grows, our love for Him grows, and our knowledge of His character grows; until when we pray we are no longer asking for what we want, but we are agreeing with what He wants (which is always way better anyway). I think that is pretty cool. "Prayer works" but maybe not in the way we think it does. Prayer works to get us closer to Him where we can learn more about who He is, and become more like Him. He is a good God who is always working good throughout the earth, in spite of us.
God works!!

I'm Positive

I have often been accused of being a positive person. I say "accused" because it is rarely said in the form of a compliment. Yes, even within "Christian" circles, I have heard it said "You are just a positive person"...as if that is somehow a bad thing. Well, I would say that if you are not used to "looking on the bright side"...you might just be on the wrong side!

I am definitely a positive person. And in case you don't know this, God is a positive person also! Everything about Him is positive! He is positively full of joy! He will positively pursue us with intentional love. And once He has a hold of us, He will never ever let us go! He is for us, not against us. When I am weak, His strength will positively show up...to me and through me. He has convinced me that in every situation He is working good! I can positively rely on Him, for He has never, ever failed to show me His kindness.
I am positive that He is good!

Because of Him, I am able to see the positive in people, and in situations. When we look from God's perspective, we will no longer see the negative, because there is no void. God is always creating, working, and moving on our behalf, so we become positive that all is well.

Think about the positive end of a battery or anything else...the symbol is a plus sign! Plus means addition! Seek first God's Kingdom, and everything else will be added unto you! That's pretty positive, I'd say!

Positive: consisting in or characterized by the presence or possession of features or qualities rather than their absence.

When I am positive, I possess something! I possess the very quality of the Trinity! And I think that's positively awesome!

The View

The first time I took off walking up the hill from my house, I was surprised. I am an avid walker, so I like to think I am in pretty good shape. But oh man, this hill was a challenge! I found myself huffing and panting long before I made it to the top.

Soon, I had mastered this hill and others in my new neighborhood. Being able to reach the top of my street at last, I decided to challenge myself a bit further. I continued on up the hill, on a street with little else around it but brush.

The first time, I was nervous. I wondered if I was going to make it? I also wondered what was up there? Was I safe? But I wanted to see what the view was like from the top of this hill, so I trudged on.

When I reached the acme, I realized that the edge of the hill was too far from the road, and the view I had anticipated was not in sight. So I found a little trail where the brush was worn down, and bravely took it to the edge. I admit my heart was pounding, as I had no idea what I was walking into. The reward was amazing!! Someone had even built a wooden bench in this little spot, and as I beheld the view, it took my breath away!

Lately, I've noticed that others must be enjoying this hill. There are beer cans, Red Bull cans and other litter carelessly thrown around. This morning I was getting frustrated with all of the trash, but then I looked up. Wow! I was in awe again, as I took in the view before me. The river, the mountains, and the trees...I could see for miles! In the face of such beauty, while feasting my eyes on the glory of creation, the trash at my feet was quickly forgotten.

In that moment, I realized that every day we have a choice. We can focus on all of the litter and all of the bad around us. Or we can choose to look up, gaining a new perspective. I  was also made aware that this is my job...my honor, really...to keep myself trained in looking up and enjoying the view from this glorious perspective; and to remind those around me who have become bogged down by all of the litter around them, to look up as well.

I am going back up the hill right now with some gloves and a trash bag, so I can clean up the litter. This is another privilege in life. In serving, I get to help those around me clean up the litter in their lives so that they are less easily distracted from the beauty of the view.

Because Of You...

Dear Mom,

I am thinking of you today. I am thinking about all that you taught me by your example.

Because of you, I learned what selflessness looks like. I remember our landlords in the house we rented during most of my growing up years. I remember she was an older woman and quite a character. She would call, late at night, and it was clear she had been drinking. You would go next-door, even though I'm you sure didn't want to, and listen to her rants, dry her tears, and help her to bed. You always showed her compassion. Then in the daylight, you graciously acted as if nothing had happened. You restored her dignity with your love. You taught me that love covers.

Because of you, I learned that all people have value. I remember when I was an adolescent, and my brother had an African American lady-friend who was very ill. You (of course) had him bring her to our house, where you could care for her. You bathed her fevered head with cool washcloths, and you nursed her back to health. I never wondered why, for I knew that was just what a Mom does. Thanks, Mom...for showing me that love doesn't see color, it sees humanity. You taught me the beauty of serving.

Because of you, I learned the art of listening. You would listen for hours to anyone in need...on the phone, or in person. You always listened without judgment...sharing a word of wisdom when it was needed. Thanks, Mom...for never turning me away, or making me feel like what I had to share wasn't important. You taught me that love listens...love hears.

Because of you, I acquired the ability to think about how other people might be feeling, and what they might be going through. You always pointed out to me what difficulties could be contributing to their behavior. You taught me to try and see from another perspective. You taught me compassion. Thanks, Mom...there isn't enough compassion in this world. I am glad I was given this gift.

Because of you, I have always known that I am delightful...just for being "me". I realize now what a treasure your unconditional love was and is in my life. I have met countless adults who have had to work through trying to earn love, from their spouses, and ultimately from God. I don't struggle with this, having been taught from my earliest memories that I am deserving of love just because I am. This knowledge has carried me through life without the burden of attempting to be pleasing by my behavior, and it has ultimately allowed me to receive the glorious gift of God's grace without question. Thanks, Mom...for giving me the gift of self.

Because of you, I learned that God is real. We didn't attend church, and part of me is even thankful for that as well. I know so many people who were raised with religion, and the law, and have had to spend years relearning the truth of who God really is. You always talked about God as if He was your friend. You reminded me of His goodness, when you would reassure me that things had a way of turning out good...no matter how painful they might seem. You encouraged me to pray, and to be thankful. Thanks, Mom...for the gift of knowing.

Because of you, I have never doubted God's existence. Because of you, I have always known that I am delightful to Him. Because of you, I have eyes to see the hurting and downtrodden. Because of you, I don't fear those who look different than me. Because of you, I am able to give of myself, and be a good listener, and love with abandon...and partly because of you, I am me.

I can't believe it's been almost 16 years since you passed on to glory.
Because of you, I've always known what a good Mom looks like...and a Mom is what I always wanted to be.

I love you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day!

Defending Jesus

We have all done it. Think about the times that you have recognized "error" or "sin" in someone else, and in your zeal to defend Jesus, you "called them out", or set them straight, or (horrors) cut them down to size. I'm sure you thought you had to...after all, it's part of being a Christian, right? I wonder...is it really? Is it effective ministry? Is Jesus pleased with our zealous defense of Him? Why do Christians feel it is our duty to defend the Master of the universe?

Let's ponder for a moment a scene in a garden...an olive grove. I imagine it was a peaceful place. Jesus often met with His disciples here, and so it would appear this was just another one of those times when He and His buddies got together in their special place. But on this particular day, when they arrived, they found a group of Roman soldiers waiting for them. These guys were not only uninvited company, but they were clearly hostile, as they had weapons brandished, ready to fight.

What happened next? Check it out...Jesus stepped forward! He knew they were there to nab Him, their anger was directed toward Him, yet He stepped forward. (Does it seem like He needed the disciples to defend Him?)

After he steps forward, Jesus speaks up, and asks Judas's entourage "Whom are you looking for?" Wait, he doesn't run away or push one of his guys in front saying "Yikes, you handle this", but instead He remains out in front of them!
And when the Romans say they are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, He answers "I am the One." When He speaks, they all fell back on the ground!! (Doesn't seem to me to be a Guy who needs anybody to stick up for Him!)

But Peter, dear Pete...he doesn't quite get it. Even after witnessing Jesus' power, and seeing He had the situation all under control, Peter feels he simply must do something...he will defend Jesus! In his zeal, he lunges toward Malchus, one of the high priest's servants, and lops off his ear. (Doesn't that seem cool? Peter is so brave, isn't he? And so righteous! He is willing to fight for Jesus! Go, Pete!! I wonder if the other disciples were waiting to chest butt him as he came back to stand with them.)

Jesus cuts the machismo short when he speaks to Peter, "Put down your sword and return it to the sheath..." and then some accounts say that Jesus picks up the guy's ear, and puts it back on his head!

OK, so what do we learn from this little scene? I think it is quite clear that Jesus doesn't need any man to defend Him to His enemies. The thing is, we can't see the whole picture, so someone we may perceive as being His enemy may be exactly where they are supposed to be in the bigger story. And what we might perceive to be error or sin, God is quite capable of dealing with.
But all too often, in our zeal, we strike! We cut someone down with our need to defend Jesus at all costs. We lose proper perspective, and all trust that God is able, and we unsheathe our sword...for we have been taught well that God's word is a sword! We need to pull it out and use it!

But what if...what if we waited. What if we allowed Jesus to step out ahead, trusting that He's got it all under control? What if instead of acting out of our own impulse to defend Him, we waited...for His sweet presence in us to step out ahead and lead?
I think our encounters would begin to look a lot more like His looked. And ultimately, we might start to look a lot more like Him.

Learning from David and Job, about Faith and Friendship

The other day on this blog, I shared a very real "psalm" from my personal journal because I felt God was asking me to. Why? I don't know. Maybe someone needed to know that they could be that real with God, and not get struck with lightening. Or maybe He wanted to humiliate me. JUST KIDDING!!! (Seriously, if you think God is like that, please get help.)

What are Psalms anyway, and why are they in the Book? As far as I can tell, and I'm no scholar (which those of you who read my blog already know)...Psalms is not really a book of doctrine. It is more a glimpse into the reality of spiritual experience, the highs and the lows of walking with God. David had a lot of both, and he wrote a lot of psalms. Through his transparent writings, I realize God must find our emotions important, or I don't think they would have made it into the Book. God called David a man after His own heart, implying they were good friends.

Interestingly, the book of Job directly precedes Psalms. Talk about emotions! This guy was miserable too, through no fault of his own (try telling his pals that), and he was pouring his heartache out before the Lord.
I think we can learn a lot from both David and Job about what faith and friendship look like.

Job was suffering, so his buddies came along to "minister" to him. (Ministry means trying to fix someone else and make them straighten up, right?)
Now, if "faith" pleases God, who was exercising faith in this story? Was it Job? Was his comment "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord" a perfect example of faith? (That's the type of faith we often see modeled in present day Christianity. No matter what you are going through, or how awful you feel, God's desires faith, so buck up and quote a Scripture, praise God.)
Or maybe his pals were really the more faithful ones? They were defending God, after all. They were convinced that Job was going through his nightmare because he must have sin in his life. (Is defending God an example of faith? Is judging sin an example of faith?)

Here's an interesting detail of the story of Job which was brought to my attention recently. They all shared the mistaken view that God causes suffering...Job figured God is God, He can mess with us if He likes...his pals thought God punishes sin by doling out suffering. But notice this detail: Even though Job says some really harsh and untrue things about God and to God, it's his friends God rebukes, saying, "I am angry with you because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has." Wait a minute, wasn't Job also wrong in his accusations against God's character? Here's God saying Job spoke of Him what is right. What did He mean?

The original Hebrew word here for "right" has the implication of "something that is straight." So, depending on the context the word can have the connotation of "straightforward" or "honest." It would appear that God was saying to Job's buddies, "I am not impressed with your pious religious blather, persecuting Job in my defense. But Job...at least he was being honest with me. He was expressing to me what was in his heart. My servant Job is a straight shooter." God likes that! Why? Because first and foremost, God wants relationship with us! And how can we have relationship without being honest? (God desires truth in the inward parts...Psalm 51:6)
True faith...the kind of faith God desires, is trusting that while we may not enjoy everything that happens in our world, we can go to God with it all...the good and the bad...because He is always there, never turning us away!!

I learn from Job and David that the kind of faith that pleases God is faith that trusts Him with our hearts! God wants to be my heart-friend!

And from Job's buddies, I learn a lot about friendship. I learn what ministry doesn't look like. I learn what to do, and what not to do, when someone I love is suffering:

Instead of being fearful that my loved one is being too emotional, I can be free to cry with them. Jesus said to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. To everything, there is a season...

Instead of quoting Scripture to a friend in pain, I can just listen and show I care. (Honestly, a Bible verse is not a cure-all magic healing potion. We all draw comfort from the Scriptures, but to pull one out and recite it to someone in pain rarely brings comfort.)

Instead of trying to "fix" my friend by correcting them, I can trust that if there is correcting to be done, God will do it, as He did with Job.

And instead of comparing my suffering with theirs, I can have compassion. When a loved one is going through a difficult time, the last thing they need to hear is how much worse I have it than them. Life is not a contest.

I can just "be" with a friend in her suffering. I can serve her, offer as much understanding as I can, pray for her, and love her through it until she has clearer understanding of God. That's the kind of friend I want to be. 
Faith and friendship. Faith...that another can be trusted with my heart. This is relationship.

Processing God's Goodness

It is pouring rain. Which is not a newsflash for anyone who lives in the pacific northwest. I'm actually glad it's raining. It suits my mood, and matches my tears. I am having it out with God today. I am hurt and mad and disappointed and I have a lot of questions for Him. But it's OK. He isn't mad at me, or upset by my outbursts...which sound like "I thought You were good!! You don't feel very good today!! You feel mean! Maybe You are just a mean old King after all!!"

The house we thought we were buying fell through. And it wasn't just "a" house, it was "the" house...the one by the river. I've always wanted to live on a river. And...there were hills for walking. I love walking, and love walking on hills. And most of all, there was room for friends and family to visit. When we moved away from everyone and everything we knew, yet again, I just couldn't wait till I had the space to host visitors. And God knew all of that right? He knows the desires of my heart. That's why He led us to this house, the perfect house. And that's why we were so sure, and so excited...so much so that we actually started purchasing things for our new house...first, a hot tub. Then, the perfect couch, and chair, and last weekend a new bed. We got rid of everything last time we moved, so we knew we needed to get the basics before we could move in. And then...the financing didn't go through...and in an instant the dream shattered.

Because of our financial situation, which I won't go into here, we are looking at living in this RV for the next year or two. My dear friends say things like, "God's got something better for you than living in an RV." And you are all sweet. And I wish I could say, with confidence, that I believe that. But the truth is, I really don't know if I believe that. Why? Why would He have something better for me than this RV?

I met a dear young couple today. Sitting in the pouring rain, asking for help. When I pulled over to give them a little bit of help, I asked her what was going on. Her sign said "Good people, just hard times..." She said "Oh, you know. We are on a waiting list for housing, but it is a long list. We never imagined we would be homeless." But you know what? I can imagine. I'm not being dramatic. Maybe I have too much time on my hands. (Try sitting in an RV with no television, and nothing new to read for a few days.) Anyway, I can imagine. And I have to think "Why not me?" What makes us think that because God is good, that means He will give us a cushy life? Is He good to the people in Somalia, or N. Korea, or any other place where there is suffering, war, famine, disease...is He good...to them?

I believe that the truth is, God IS good. The battle is seeing His goodness, and believing He is good, in the midst of the not-so-good stuff. We get things we want, and we immediately say "God is good!" Or we praise God for this new house...car...whatever the good "thing" is at the time. And somehow it gets tangled up with our view of Him, almost like He is a Genie who grants us good things, and that is how He shows us He is good. But what if...what if God is just good because that's who He is? And what if Father truly knows best...and if best for me is living in this RV right now...then can I praise Him anyway? Just because He is good?

Well, that's what I'm working out today. Hopefully, when I get done being mad at Him, and crying and telling him what I think about His so-called goodness, I will get back to the point I always get back to. Where would I go to escape Him? What would I do without Him? But for now...I will just have grace for myself in this process. And because God is good, I know He has grace for me as well.

I Highly Doubt It

How many of you know that when you pray for revelation to come, God answers? Did you know that if you pray to really know Jesus...the real Jesus...He begins to show Himself to you? Let's face it, so much is done in the name of Jesus, or religion rather, that our view or image of Him becomes skewed. He starts to get blurry to us. What is He really like? That's what I want to know!! And I am finding out that He wants me to know, because He wants me to know Him! Cool stuff!

For most of the first two decades after revelation of Jesus came to me, I lived in fear. I believe there are many of you who are still living in the same fear that gripped me. My fear was based on a secret question I carried inside...the question was "What if I don't know?" Funny thing is, it wasn't about "What if Jesus isn't real?" because that question was absolutely answered for me at the time He revealed Himself to me...and re-answered over and over in all of my years of friendship with Him. But this secret question was, "What if I don't know all of the answers?"

I remember when our eldest son began to question some of the stories in the Bible, asking valid questions about the things he had been taught. I remember feeling so fearful, (even more fearful than I was when he started taking math classes with problems way beyond my comprehension.) I remember feeling like if I didn't know the answers to his theological queries, then I might somehow lose my own salvation, and then our whole family would fall apart. Can anyone else relate to this feeling of terror?

I think it's the biggest reason I don't like to bring up the subject of God or Jesus when I am out in public. Because I had this huge, fearful question hiding within me, "What if I don't know?" I was afraid I would be asked something that I didn't have the answer to, and therefore I would misrepresent God and Jesus to the very person I was hoping to reveal Him to...meanwhile, weakening my own stand with Him because I didn't have all of the answers.

I have been reading a book that has added to my already life-changing and freedom-bringing new way of being. In this book, the author is talking about how when we place more importance on being sure or certain of the things we believe, than in our relationship with God...we begin to make an idol of certainty. When we think that we have to know all of the answers, and believe "right" about every premise in the Bible, then we have erected an idol. This also creates fear in us that if we are wrong, or if anyone challenges our right-believing, then our whole foundation will come crashing down around us.

Yet...the apostle Paul said "I desire to know nothing except Christ and him crucified..." Wait, so what was he really saying? That none of the rest matters, really? Maybe he was referring to his old religious self who thought he had all of the answers and was even willing to kill anyone who didn't believe as he did. But once we have had revelation of Jesus on that cross...He becomes our foundation. Maybe it is OK to have our differences and our opinions and preferences, but it is our friendship and relationship with Jesus...and the revelation of His love displayed on the cross that changes lives!

So, why all of the focus on the rest? I feel so free being able to tell you that I highly doubt Jonah was ever really inside of a fish. I do! I think that the story has a really deep meaning...but I don't literally believe that it happened. Nor do I believe that many of the other Bible stories literally happened. And if I had heard anyone say those words a few years ago I would have cringed in horror...I would have ex-communicated them from my phone contacts in fear that I was going to go to hell in a hand basket for even associating with such heretics! (Many of you have probably already deleted this post from your computer for the same reason...and I'm not offended.)

What if, back when my son was asking all of those really good questions, I had known then what I know now? That I DON'T KNOW!! And that's OK!! And that what I love most about God and Jesus and Holy Spirit is they love me anyhow, and they aren't nervous that I don't know...in fact they welcome my questions because that is how our relationship grows (just like my relationship with you, Son.) I wonder if maybe he wouldn't have walked away from the whole "Christianity" thing, if I had been more open and honest and less fearful of his doubts.

Jesus said "Unless you turn and come to me as little children..." What is He saying? That we blindly state the facts that were written, and do not waiver? I don't think so. My grandson is the most inquisitive little guy I know...forever asking me questions. He will say "Tell me about compassion, Nonny. What does that mean?" He isn't asking for a dictionary definition or a fact. He is wanting examples so that he can learn about it. Maybe that is the point of all of these stories God included in His book. Maybe they are examples...so that we can learn. Do we miss the forest for the trees when we focus on the facts of the stories, defending to the death that it really happened that way? Do our children find the stories meaningless when they reach an age where they can actually question the "facts"? What if they were taught the meanings...and that the meanings of the stories constitute Truth. That facts are not truth, truth is truth. And Jesus, on the cross, is the greatest Truth of all. What if?

I am no longer afraid of someone with a different understanding, or beliefs than me. I am learning and growing in my own understanding, and what I believed 10 years ago I no longer believe. Except for this one thing...Jesus...and Him crucified. I am excited to continue to learn about God through the gift of the Teacher for the rest of my days on earth. I am OK with not knowing everything (how ridiculous to ever think that I could!) I look forward to reasoning together with the Lord. Do I need to have a corner on "correct theology" in order to remain secure in my salvation? I highly doubt it!!

Trailer Trash

Oh how I hate that term. "Trailer trash"...yet I hear it so often in reference to someone who is...well, how should I put it. Tacky? Uncultured? I think we all know the example. Well, here's the thing. As much as I cringe when I hear people use that term...I have recently found that I have my own lingering judgments regarding those who are "less fortunate" than me.

Case in point. I have become one of the residents of a mobile home park. This is not new for me, we lived in a mobile home park before. What is new for me is living in a somewhat "rundown" mobile home park. By that I mean, many of the homes are made of vinyl or metal, which tends to look a bit shabby after mold and moss begin to grow on the sides.
There are a few other RVs in this park which also appear to have seen better days. We actually drove through here when looking for a place to park our RV before moving here to Washington. I quickly deemed it an unacceptable place for us to live. Why you ask? Well, because I am NOT trailer trash! (I didn't say that out loud, but I realize now that I surely thought it. Ugh.)

Isn't it funny that here I am? And after a run in with wind, where the wind won, I am so thankful to be here. Perhaps this is the very place I needed to be, in order to gain some much needed perspective.

Today, as I was mixing myself a coconut martini after spending the day flat on my back, in my pajamas, full of ibuprofen and trying to cope with back spasms and pain, I had a moment. A moment where I really looked at myself, and dared to look into my heart, and what did I find? The judgment that had been there all along was coming right back at me. As I shook my drink, (which was recommended by my dear hubby who has to work late and hates to think of me here suffering)...I realized how ridiculously funny this is.  I had to laugh, knowing how I must look to any observer...going out with my dog all day in my pajamas, now mixing a drink in the afternoon. I most certainly do look like trailer trash!

I guess I felt compelled to share my experience, with hopes that all of us would stop and think a minute before we so easily spew out ugly labels. Every single person is a child of God. Every single person has a story. Every single life has value. Whether we live under a bridge, or in a trailer, or in a mansion, we have more in common with one another than we have differences.

Oh look, the sun just broke through the clouds on this rainy afternoon. And you know what? This place really doesn't look that bad. When my back is better, I plan to get outside and meet some of my neighbors.