The Void

I wish I could talk to you. But when things aren't good you disappear. Not physically, although that happens too sometimes. It's the void, this blackness that you seem to fall into. I feel it. I sense it. Is it shame that pulls you in and holds you there?

I wish I could tell you that I know. Even though I don't know, I know. I may not have details...but my heart...always...knows. I don't even want the details. No, they wouldn't help anything. They are always the same, really. Pain. Injuries. Setbacks. Lies...oh the lies. I hate the lies the most! Lies hurt. Lies steal from relationships in ways nothing else can. No distance is further than the distance between two hearts with a lie...that lies...in between.

Why can't you reach out, come clean, admit when you've fallen? Do you think you are protecting us? This is not protection. There is no protection. There is no safety in the void of not knowing. We see it in the eyes of those around you. Other loved ones who know the truth...know the gory details. Veiled eyes. "Please don't ask" eyes. We don't ask. They don't tell. But we know.

So...we go on...avoiding the void...dancing around it. Dancing the dance. Hoping the hope. Believing love is strong enough to pull you up out of that dark place of stumbling, falling frustration. We wait...we breathe, or try to. We try not to let the void seep into our lives and into our love.

But sometimes...I'm just too tired to dance...