Not Feeling Like a Winner

Allow me to preface this blog post by saying that I am not here to judge anyone. I felt led to write not because the story is all over the media and I want to jump on that band wagon. I think I mostly needed to face something and in doing so cleanse my heart.
There have been so many jokes, so many references to Charlie Sheen that one would have to live in a cave to have missed the story. We don't even have cable TV, yet I know what's been going on with the man. And while we all want to make light of it, joking about his tirades and ridiculous sayings, me included, I have to say that if I look at the situation.....I mean really look at it without the laughter.....it brings me to tears.

I have faced that same horrible demon or sickness or whatever we are most comfortable calling it. I have sat and listened to the very same tirades and egotistical rants, and have looked into the wild eyes of someone knowing I wasn't looking into familiar eyes, I was looking into other eyes all together. It was the worst nightmare of my life.
So, I have to ask myself why am I able to jump on the silly train making fun of this man when it hits so close to home with me? I think it is probably because to laugh and make light of things is way easier than looking at them in all of their ugliness.

Alcoholism and drug abuse are ugly. Anyone who has been exposed to an addict's behavior most likely recognizes the same thing that I see in Mr. Sheen. It is dark, evil, ugly, and destructive. It hurts everyone around who tries to love and help, and it's ultimate goal is death. Not a laughing matter at all.

I am thankful that my loved one was not wealthy and had no means to perpetuate their facade this far. But I can say that they did have plenty of people around them who tolerated.....no, encouraged their over the top destructive behavior. It has always been the way of the insecure bully to revel in another person's destruction in order to take everyone's eyes off of their own.
How awful that I even for a few minutes was a party to such behavior. Because I know and realize full well that this man has a family.....a family who are probably out there right now trying their best to devise a plan of rescue....a family awake at night praying to whatever god they hold dear for the life of their loved one. A family dreading the ringing of their phones and the bad news that might be lurking on the other end. A family who is terrified that their loved one might not ever make it back, might not ever return to them as they knew him. I know this terror first hand and my heart aches for them.

So I for one, will no longer subject you to jokes about this sad situation, nor will I be a party to the media frenzy. If I speak of Charlie Sheen at all, it will be to lift him up before the Throne of grace, and pray for the healing love of God to overwhelm him.