Silence

We watched a film last night that was so unusually deep I'm still thinking about it.

The movie is called Silence. It is the story of 2 Portugese Jesuit priests who travel to Japan to search for another priest. I won't give any spoilers here. But I will say that the underlying story is the story of my journey...and hopefully the story of all of us and our journeys into true faith. It is the story of what Christianity is and isn't. But at first, you might miss the story because you might think you know where it is going and you might think you know what Christianity is. You might be someone who thinks you have it all figured out. You might even be thinking a little bit deeper and still you could be missing the point. I know for years I did and I was. But at the time, I didn't know it.

At first we believe that our current "experience" of God is exactly who He is. The God inside of our church is the true God. No one else has Him figured out like we do. And we go along following all he rules and thinking how well we are doing in our "Christianity"...and then God sneaks up on us. Jehovah Sneaky shatters our paradigm. I think that's where true Christianity starts. Because at some point we become disillusioned or disappointed when we realize what we were hanging our hats on was just a tiny fraction of his personality. We realize that we didn't have Him all figured out...that He is way more than a shallow scorekeeper or a strict taskmaster or a genie who gives us what we want. At this point we might dare to step out of the boat to seek Him for ourselves.

I have not been part of a Sunday morning place of worship in a long time. And at first I felt wrong, bad, and worried as if somehow I was going to slip out of God's sight if He didn't see me in pew on Sunday mornings. As time went on, I began to discover a freedom I had yet to experience...the freedom to explore with God and discover more about Him. I discovered He is so much more than a list of dos and don'ts. My prayer became "Jesus, I want to know You. Not who other people think you are, or say you are...but I want to know You!!"

Then my prayer expanded to "Lord, what do You say about this? What are Your thoughts on that?" It was exhilarating and liberating to be outside of the confines of what a certain Pastor taught was truth. I discovered that Truth lives in me and I can rely on him/her to teach me. Scripture says we have no need of another teacher. Yet we believe the Scripture more that warns us of being deceived. So we live in fear of having a thought of our own, or of searching Him out on our own with only the Spirit to help us. And it's very sad to me. I don't believe it's how relationship grows.

Anyway, Silence reminded me how intensely aware of us our God is, every little detail of our lives. He is fixed on teaching us, and revealing Himself to us. His true self. And He never, ever gives up.

The question the movie asks is deep. It is the same question He asked of me a few years ago.

The question is not would you betray God? 

The real question is: "Would you betray religion to find Him?"