Beautiful Progression

There is a moment when I am invited to follow.  I hear Him, and I say "Yes" to the invitation. The Son of God, Son of Man is revealed to me, and I'm aware of the reality of Him.
Thus begins the beautiful progression.

I follow Him. I learn from His teachings. I learn from His ways. I step out...out of everything I once thought was important. Like a toddler, I learn to walk.
I worship Him in His beauty.

There are some around me who fear Him. They watch, like Zacchaeus, from afar. Hiding in a tree. Curious. But unsure. Could this Man really be welcoming me? Is He calling me? Is He good?

I see them hiding, but I can trust that He'll find them. He will call their name just as He called mine, and in that moment all resistance will cease. They too, will begin their journey.

So...I continue to follow Him. I am healed. I see others healed. I am in awe. I don't yet understand much, but I am captured by His acceptance of me. He knows me, yet He wants me.
Again, I worship.

The time comes when He invites me to dinner. He tells me He just wants to relax...to recline with me around the table. He wants to know me. Sharing food, wine...laughter, I marvel at this Man.
"He wants to be my friend! How can this be? He likes me!!" I am overcome with laughter.
I sing songs of joy.

Then at one of these intimate meals, He says He wants to serve me. "What? NO!! You can't wash my feet! I am unworthy! I cannot just sit here and receive from You! I should be serving YOU!!" But He insists. "You must allow me to show you what My Kingdom looks like. You must be willing to receive from me, for it is a needed thing. This is what relationship looks like."
In that moment, intimacy with Him grows. He is no longer above me, He is with me. I fall in love with this Man...
While He sings over me.

He begins to speak to me of things I cannot grasp. He is preparing me, but I do not understand.

Until that day...that dark day...when it seems that my Friend has left me. I can no longer see Him. I cannot find Him. It has become so dark. I am grieving. I feel betrayed. I cry out in the darkness, and seem to get no response. At this point, some others have returned home, going back to their old lives. I become so discouraged that the memory of Him seems to taunt me, "Where is your Friend now?" I feel foolish and alone. I am angry.
He was not good after all.
My song becomes a dirge.

Three dark days...

But...I will not waiver in my love. I can not. I learn that once love is awakened, it cannot die. I don't know what is going on. I feel the darkness. I miss His touch. I miss His voice. Why has He left me all alone?
I dry my tears. I can do nothing else but worship...for He has captured my heart. I am determined to minister to Him even in death.
I continue to worship, hoping to see Him. Hoping to catch even a glimpse of Him in the midst of the darkness...in the midst of my tears.

Time stands still. I am overwhelmed in my sorrow. I feel consumed by my suffering.
I worship through my tears.

I believe this was His death...when all along it was mine.

Then the light dawns.

The morning breaks through.
He is alive! He is here!! He has never left me!
He was only doing what had to be done in order to rescue me!
Even in the darkness, He was working good for me!

He seeks me out to show me His wounds. I show Him my own, and He kisses them with His tears.
We are united in our suffering. We are broken, yet together we are whole.

Joy wells up in me. I now understand the great mystery!
He lives! He is good! He will never abandon us! He will never leave us! He is there, even in the darkness, working good on our behalf!! He is ALIVE!!

I cannot wait to go and tell the others. For they must know the mystery...I survived the darkest of days and I live to tell about it! Because He IS good!! He really is!!!

I am beautiful...I am wanted...I am loved.
You are too.
And I am forever changed.
You can be too.
He really is good. 

You Are Not Alone

I was walking out of Safeway, putting my bags into the car, and I heard behind me "Excuse me, Ma'am?"

You've all heard it. And you've probably felt annoyed like I sometimes have, because you know what is coming next. But thank You, Jesus, I didn't cringe! I wasn't annoyed! I didn't feel like I was in a huge hurry to get out of there! I turned around.

 "I hate asking, but do you have maybe $3?"

"I really don't have any cash." (My usual and totally honest response because I never do. Have cash.)

And there he stood. And I looked at him. Then I really looked at him.

"What did you need the money for?"
"I was just gonna get some coffee. And maybe a cup of noodles. This is really embarrassing."

Well, that was it for me. I closed my car door and told him, "Come on. Come with me. We'll go inside and get you something to eat."
"Oh wow, Ma'am (I should have told him to stop calling me that!!) thank you so much. I am so embarrassed to be asking."
"No problem. So, how about a sandwich?" I pointed to a deli case full of already made sandwiches. He just grabbed the top one, not even looking at what kind it was. "This is great, thanks so much."
"You're welcome. OK, let's go pay for it and then I'll get you a cup of coffee."

I payed for the sandwich, he stood behind me. I could feel the shame emanating off of his cigarette reeking jacket.

We walked to the Starbuck's stand. I asked what he wanted while the man in front of me ordered. He said just a black coffee would be great. Black coffee it is. "Thank you. Thanks so much."

Then the difficult moment outside the store, when this Mommy/Nonny's heart was aching to hug him.
"So, what's going on? Are you OK?"
"Well, I got kicked out of my place...again. And I've been trying to get into this manufacturing job. But right now I'm sleeping outside. It's...embarrassing." I said "Hey, we've all been there...needing help." He started to cry. I walked over to the side a little so people wouldn't see his tears. After all, he had enough shame to last a lifetime.

What can I do? It wouldn't be wise to bring him home since hubby's working today. Lord?? Ask him his name. "What's your name?" "Dwayne." "Well, I can tell you that I have had family members who were in your predicament, homeless and hopeless. And they are both doing great now."

And I looked into those eyes, pooled with tears, and I said "And I can tell you, you are not alone. You. are. not. alone. I will pray for you just like I prayed for my family members. Don't lose hope. You will come out of this."

Oh man, I just wanna hug him but I resist.
"Thank you, Ma'am. And thanks for this" as he holds up his sandwich and cup.
I squeeze his arm with all the love that would have been in that hug, and tell him "You are welcome."

A Snot-nosed Kingdom

While asking the Lord what is on His heart this morning, immediately He reminded me of the people who brought the little children to Him, and how the disciples rebuked them. The disciples of Jesus, who had been walking with Him but did not yet know Him. They did not know His heart. They saw Him as being above it all, in His perfection...maybe like some aloof king...or the Pope even. They figured He couldn't be bothered with little children and all of their messy diapers and runny noses. "Oh no! Keep those kids away from Jesus!! Don't offend Him!"

But Jesus quickly set them straight. He told the disciples who were trying to protect Him..."Hey, guys...let the little children come to me..." And even went further, saying "The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." And then He proceeded to lay His hands on their little heads and pray for them! The whole group had to wait and watch while He ministered His love to these little ones. And they didn't move on until He was done. ("When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.") How annoying! They were following Jesus, listening to Him preach like they had never heard a preacher before, and the whole thing was put on hold so that he could spend time with some rug rats. Hmmmph!!

I realized how very much this does not sound like our gatherings today. We have visited a LOT of churches up here, and in every one we went to, the kids are left at the door of the nursery or classroom upon entering the building. Why is that? What has happened? I have heard countless stories from elder family members about how they had to behave in church, how as they grew older, they began to be touched by the songs and the music...even some who answered an alter call at a young age. So why are we now forcing the children out of our midst?

Well, I think for one thing...children are messy. They are noisy. Their poopy diapers are stinky. And our church services have become so slick and well-orchestrated that we just don't have room for such distractions. Yet, what is God's heart? Well, Jesus told us if we have seen Him then we have seen God. And He made it very clear how He felt about little ones.

Life is messy. Love is messy. Verrrrrry messy. And we need children around us to remind us of this fact. We can't orchestrate life like we try to orchestrate our Sunday services...perfect music, perfectly timed offering, and perfect sermon. Life is perfectly messy. God creates out of chaos, not man-made perfection. What we perceive as perfection must be quite amusing to Him!

Anyway...this is what God showed me was on His heart this morning. Maybe we need to listen. Maybe 2016 is a year of honoring the little souls who are so honored by our Lord. Maybe it's time to allow them to dance and sing off-key, and minister in our gatherings. We say "there's no such thing as a junior Holy Spirit" but do we really believe it? Maybe we have a lot to learn about God's Kingdom from them.