Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Battle Scarred
I have read a lot of things lately on spiritual warfare and warring in the spirit......what does it mean? I am serious, I don't think I even get it. Do they mean we are to get mad, get angry....shout.....curse the devil and then quote Scripture at him? I know our weapons are not carnal.....but then what are they? I feel like the only weapon I know how to use is the weapon of worship and honestly I wield it mostly to survive. But is that enough? Am I warring enough? Am I enough of a threat to my enemy? My battle takes place most often in my mind, in my affections. Will I give up and turn to other lovers; or will I keep my face turned toward the face of the Lover of my soul? Will I trust Him even when everything screams I am a fool for doing so? Will I continue to wait on Him.....for days....weeks.....years? Will I walk in joy in the midst of terrible sorrow? Will I remain upright when all I want to do is stay in bed, pulling the covers over my head? Will I continue to believe when I see no results? Will I continue to pray when I see no answers? Will I continue to love even when love is not returned? Will I choose to forgive knowing it will be required of me again and again? Can I keep my heart open when it hurts so deeply? Will I protect myself or trust? This is my battle. So will I take the battle into my own hands, or will I choose to trust the Man who saved me? Is He really trustworthy? Does He really have my back? Is He truly good? Though this day, this moment, my feelings betray me.....my spirit knows the answer. Therefore, the battle is won.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Unplugged
That title was given to me by a dear friend and I like it. I might need to change the name of this blog to "Holly, Unplugged." I have been unplugged from church this past year and a half. If a recording that isn't polished is called "unplugged" then it fits. I feel like I'm being polished by God which I suppose could be seen from man's perspective as quite unpolished. But I usually love those recordings, the live ones. It seems to me like the real music comes through.....the heart of the musicians. Which brings me to the heart of this post. Has church become too "polished" or so outwardly perfect that we are squeezing the life right out of our meetings?
Speaking as an outsider....well, not really although some would think that is what I am because I am not currently plugged in to a church...... ( Some of you have already clicked off this post because you are afraid you might hear something that will lead you astray). Anyway, for those of you who are still with me, what I mean is that I have had the opportunity to take a look from the "outside in" at what we call church, and I have developed a totally different perspective than the one I had for the 20 years I was very "plugged in." And this perspective is challenging me in more ways than I have ever been.
This is "put away your books, it's time to start walking and talking it" time! Another dear friend said that and I love it! (Don't you feel better about me already, knowing that I still have dear friends who speak into my life?) Anyway, that statement spoke to me because it is my current challenge.....walking and talking the Book. I find myself challenging my doctrine; "Is this something man said, or is it You, God?" because I have learned that not everything I have been taught by man is God. And I have learned that it's OK. And I am learning to think on my own and examine what I believe. Yep. I'm using my brain which I know is kind of scary to some who know me. I guess my current question is, "When did the church decide that our job is to portray perfection? When did our gatherings become so "polished?" Because I think that it might be making us ineffective to the very people for whom Jesus came and for whom He sends us. Maybe it's time to change our focus.
While using this brain of mine, I have been reading a book by John Crowder called "The New Mystics." (Are you still there? That title might be kind of scary, but I would recommend this book to anyone who is seeking after God and the "more" of Him.) In the book he shares stories of the saints who have gone before us, and whose blood sweat and tears paved the way for where we are today. One of these accounts is of Lonnie Frisbee who was an amazing forerunner in the whole "Jesus Movement" and helped to plant what is now known as Calvary Chapel and also the Vineyard churches. While reading of this forerunner I read not only of his powerful ministry including many signs and wonders, but I also read of his humanity. He was divorced, he struggled with homosexuality, and ultimately died early of AIDS and was in the end shunned by the very ministries that were birthed from his anointing. I am reminded once again of all the imperfect saints who went before me, and I take comfort in the knowledge of their imperfections. In fact, their imperfections seem to be a perfect example of the kindness of God. And I wonder if there would even be room for these imperfect saints in the church setting today? It is affirmed to me as I read, that one can be powerfully anointed and loved and used by God for His purposes......and yet remain imperfect! Aha! There is hope for me!!
What if we literally had to wear our sins on our sleeves. Wow. Now that would be an interesting service, wouldn't it? I believe that we would all find ourselves looking for a fig leaf under which to hide. But maybe, just maybe, it would actually be a "safer" place for the unsaved seekers to come. Maybe they would breathe a sigh of relief as they looked around at all of our sins and imperfections and decide we are a place where they might actually belong......heck, a place where I might actually belong.
Maybe we have been self-centered far too long. Maybe the church has been focused on herself way too much. We have spent so much time in meetings and classes, Bible studies and building expansions; maybe it is time for us to look up and look out and see what is going on around us. Have we been so focused on our ministries that we have stopped ministering? We strive for perfect meals, perfect bodies, perfect houses, perfect "quiet times" and even perfect church services....and it seems like a bunch of crap to me! Has our quest for self-perfection and "self-help" crept (crapped?) into the church setting to the point where His grace is no longer needed? Have we strayed away from the basics? The danger in striving for perfection is we begin holding up our standards as a measuring rod for others. Maybe we have become so good at "doing church" that we have lost our purpose.
What if the Good News of grace was preached more in our gatherings? What if we created a loving atmosphere where we could truly confess our sins one to another? What if we learned to trust the Holy Spirit to do His job? I wish that when we gather we could stay focused......on Jesus, He said He would build His church anyway. What if we stopped focusing on our buildings.....or even miracles, signs and wonders, and stayed focused on the greatest miracle of all, His grace?
As we continue our search for a church to plug into, I am finding that my perfect church, the place I feel most at home, is the one that is seemingly most "imperfect." Maybe the worship leader forgets the lyrics to a song and just sings her own. Or perhaps the woman in the row behind us is singing off key, and the young man in front smells like cigarettes. Maybe the pastor can't get up to preach because he is lying in the corner getting whacked by God. In the midst of it all, I would find I'm so thankful that God sees me as "perfectly imperfect." I am learning that "perfect love" does not require outward perfection and is in fact quite messy at times. May I learn to relax in His grace and truly fulfill His commandment to love my brother, imperfections and all......and remember that my own imperfections might be the very kindness God uses to bring him to repentance.
Speaking as an outsider....well, not really although some would think that is what I am because I am not currently plugged in to a church...... ( Some of you have already clicked off this post because you are afraid you might hear something that will lead you astray). Anyway, for those of you who are still with me, what I mean is that I have had the opportunity to take a look from the "outside in" at what we call church, and I have developed a totally different perspective than the one I had for the 20 years I was very "plugged in." And this perspective is challenging me in more ways than I have ever been.
This is "put away your books, it's time to start walking and talking it" time! Another dear friend said that and I love it! (Don't you feel better about me already, knowing that I still have dear friends who speak into my life?) Anyway, that statement spoke to me because it is my current challenge.....walking and talking the Book. I find myself challenging my doctrine; "Is this something man said, or is it You, God?" because I have learned that not everything I have been taught by man is God. And I have learned that it's OK. And I am learning to think on my own and examine what I believe. Yep. I'm using my brain which I know is kind of scary to some who know me. I guess my current question is, "When did the church decide that our job is to portray perfection? When did our gatherings become so "polished?" Because I think that it might be making us ineffective to the very people for whom Jesus came and for whom He sends us. Maybe it's time to change our focus.
While using this brain of mine, I have been reading a book by John Crowder called "The New Mystics." (Are you still there? That title might be kind of scary, but I would recommend this book to anyone who is seeking after God and the "more" of Him.) In the book he shares stories of the saints who have gone before us, and whose blood sweat and tears paved the way for where we are today. One of these accounts is of Lonnie Frisbee who was an amazing forerunner in the whole "Jesus Movement" and helped to plant what is now known as Calvary Chapel and also the Vineyard churches. While reading of this forerunner I read not only of his powerful ministry including many signs and wonders, but I also read of his humanity. He was divorced, he struggled with homosexuality, and ultimately died early of AIDS and was in the end shunned by the very ministries that were birthed from his anointing. I am reminded once again of all the imperfect saints who went before me, and I take comfort in the knowledge of their imperfections. In fact, their imperfections seem to be a perfect example of the kindness of God. And I wonder if there would even be room for these imperfect saints in the church setting today? It is affirmed to me as I read, that one can be powerfully anointed and loved and used by God for His purposes......and yet remain imperfect! Aha! There is hope for me!!
What if we literally had to wear our sins on our sleeves. Wow. Now that would be an interesting service, wouldn't it? I believe that we would all find ourselves looking for a fig leaf under which to hide. But maybe, just maybe, it would actually be a "safer" place for the unsaved seekers to come. Maybe they would breathe a sigh of relief as they looked around at all of our sins and imperfections and decide we are a place where they might actually belong......heck, a place where I might actually belong.
Maybe we have been self-centered far too long. Maybe the church has been focused on herself way too much. We have spent so much time in meetings and classes, Bible studies and building expansions; maybe it is time for us to look up and look out and see what is going on around us. Have we been so focused on our ministries that we have stopped ministering? We strive for perfect meals, perfect bodies, perfect houses, perfect "quiet times" and even perfect church services....and it seems like a bunch of crap to me! Has our quest for self-perfection and "self-help" crept (crapped?) into the church setting to the point where His grace is no longer needed? Have we strayed away from the basics? The danger in striving for perfection is we begin holding up our standards as a measuring rod for others. Maybe we have become so good at "doing church" that we have lost our purpose.
What if the Good News of grace was preached more in our gatherings? What if we created a loving atmosphere where we could truly confess our sins one to another? What if we learned to trust the Holy Spirit to do His job? I wish that when we gather we could stay focused......on Jesus, He said He would build His church anyway. What if we stopped focusing on our buildings.....or even miracles, signs and wonders, and stayed focused on the greatest miracle of all, His grace?
As we continue our search for a church to plug into, I am finding that my perfect church, the place I feel most at home, is the one that is seemingly most "imperfect." Maybe the worship leader forgets the lyrics to a song and just sings her own. Or perhaps the woman in the row behind us is singing off key, and the young man in front smells like cigarettes. Maybe the pastor can't get up to preach because he is lying in the corner getting whacked by God. In the midst of it all, I would find I'm so thankful that God sees me as "perfectly imperfect." I am learning that "perfect love" does not require outward perfection and is in fact quite messy at times. May I learn to relax in His grace and truly fulfill His commandment to love my brother, imperfections and all......and remember that my own imperfections might be the very kindness God uses to bring him to repentance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)