Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Blessed Assurance

Down the street from my house, right on the corner, is a large church. The roof of the church comes to a huge peak, and on top of the peak is a cross. I can see the cross from my house. In fact, when I am lying prone in my hot tub, the cross is in my line of vision and I love it.

On sunny days, the cross is shining like a beacon, reminding me of the wonderful joy that is mine because of all that Jesus accomplished on the cross. On sunny days, it all seems very real to me.

Some days there are big puffy white clouds meandering across the blue sky. I see the cross, peaking through the clouds, coming and going from my sight. I wait as I soak, for it to return to my vision, always delighted when I can see it again.

On foggy mornings, like today, the cross cannot be seen from my hot tub perspective. It is always a bit of a disappointment to me, these foggy mornings. I miss seeing the cross, and my morning ritual seems a bit lonely. But one thing I know to be true; though I cannot see it, the cross is still there! I don't need to run down the street to be sure, for I know it is there. You won't find me calling my neighbors to ask if they can see it. For I'm sure that, even though I cannot see it today, the cross is there.

So I snuggle back down into the warm, comforting water...and soak...

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow is the day...the day that most of America sets aside to gather together and eat till we are sick. For women, the day means finishing up preparation of all the food that will provide the sickness...that is, after having planned the menu and shopped for the food...and in today's culture doing so after getting off of work at their various jobs. For men, the day means watching football, eating, napping, eating, and more football. In it all, we find ourselves giving thanks. I know I do.
Our Thanksgiving is different than most. I am learning that different isn't bad...just different. The cultural pressure is on, with well-meaning questions even from the checker at the grocery store, "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Not that it is a cruel question. But because I am particularly raw, it did make me stop and wonder...how many other people also find such a question feels like salt in an already infected wound?

We are vegetarians this year, which adds to the "difference" in how we will mark this holiday. (I am sure we will be just as sufficiently stuffed, even though it won't be from the traditional stuffing.) Another difference is that we are having our meal the day before Thanksgiving, so that my hubby can work on a vacant rental property. Time off from his "real" job is not easy to come by, so our holiday times have often been squeezed in around various remodel and home improvement projects over the years. And that's OK. We enjoy and are thankful for the "squeezed in" time we have.

Our table will be sparse this year, just hubby, youngest son and I present. But even so, it is a tremendous blessing to me...because youngest son spent a few holidays far away in Arizona, which did add to this mother's aching heart. I look forward to sharing a meal together with him this year, and I am so thankful he is with us!

The rest of our family, well...our married son will spend the day with his better half's family. (This is often how it goes when your offspring is of the male variety.) I'm really so very thankful that he has a loving "other" family, and know he will be well fed and appreciated. It is a comfort to this mother's heart.

The other one missing from our table has been missing from our family for a very long time...too long in fact. As I prepare our food, I hold him up before the Throne of grace...and pray he will be warm and fed until he finds his way home...to the arms of the God who loves him.

All the while, even in the midst of all of the "differences" of our celebrations, we find ourselves giving thanks. What a beautiful thing! I wonder about others...people who don't believe in God's existence...who do they give thanks to? One thing I do know, I am ever thankful for the comfort I have found in Him.
Happy Thanks-giving to you all!!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Stand

Having done all, stand. That is right out of the Bible, and good advice indeed. Once you have done everything you know to do, and everything God has asked of you, then stand in faith.
Funny, I usually find my "standing" looks more like lying down. When I am in the midst of a difficult situation, when the stress of my circumstances floods over and threatens to drown me, I often find that I can't stand. I can barely move.
But over the years, God has released me to rest. I remember being a new Christian, how I thought my "job" was to stay strong, to maintain a stance of warfare (meaning praying loudly and binding everything I could think of), and basically to fight the urge to lie down...and rest. Which is kind of funny when I think about Jesus, and what he was doing when he was in the boat with the disciples and a storm was raging, threatening to overturn the boat and possibly drown them. Where was Jesus? He was asleep in the boat!
I believe the disciples found that a bit frustrating, since they yelled at Him "Lord, save us!! We're going to drown!"
But Jesus wasn't standing in the boat rebuking the storm, raging at the threat coming against his own. He was sleeping!

And now I know that when I lie down I am actually taking a stance...a stance that says "I believe God has me, I believe God has this situation under His control, and since I trust Him...I will just rest."

Believe me. Lying down in the midst of a storm is the best way to stand.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Shattered

Can I tell you a secret? I have a dream. It has been in me for a long time, but I don't speak of it much. Maybe because it seems like more of a fantasy than a dream. But in it I am the host of a gathering of people young and old...not a church like we think of church today, (where everyone comes together and puts on a happy face, sings songs and listens to a teacher tell them what he believes the Bible means, and they accept his interpretation as unerring truth, and they go on their merry way until the next Sunday)...no, not a church like that. In my dream I invite people together to explore. To let down our guards and get to the real stuff. To ask questions and admit we don't really know everything, and to seek together the One who does have the answers. In my dream it is a safe place. It is a place where instead of trying to ignore our wounds, we tend to them with love. That is my dream.

This "gathering" would be called "Shattered" because in my dream I saw a sign hanging outside with that word on it...which might seem like a strange name for any kind of gathering of seekers of God and followers of the Way...but I have found out another secret. The people I know who are the most broken, those who have lived through the most pain and suffering...they are the people who bring the most comfort to me in the midst of my pain, my suffering, my brokenness.

I had a dream...the kind that we have while sleeping, not imagining. In it I knew my son was dead...but I don't remember feeling any grief. I just remember sitting with a group of people...and they were all talking and laughing...and I remember sitting there thinking "This is absurd! They are talking like nothing happened, and my son is dead!"
Finally I spoke up and said something like "Could we just take a minute and acknowledge that my son is dead? Do you even care that my son is dead? I haven't planned his funeral yet, and you all are talking like nothing happened!" (awkward!)
And then I think I remembered that I hadn't had a service for him yet, and I needed to plan one, and what kind of mother am I that I hadn't done that, and I felt overwhelmed. And that is all I remember.
Strange how often I feel exactly this way. I feel like we are so broken, each of us is so full of pain that people avoid us or ignore us because they don't know what to say if they did acknowledge us. Or they are afraid to pray for us because what if it doesn't work? Better to just ignore it and go on.

"But he's a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him. So attention must be paid. He is not to be allowed to fall into his grave like an old dog. Attention must be finally paid to such a person." (From Death of a Salesman, by Arthur Miller)

There are some who do acknowledge me. There are some whom God has placed around me, to walk with me, to pray for me and with me...there are some who "see". Do you know who they are? Do you know who the ones are who choose to look at us? They are all broken ones. They are people who have not lived a perfect life, who do not have perfect families, and who have plenty of questions and not so many answers.

A few years ago, I began to pray for eyes to "see". When praying that way, at the time, I remember I was thinking that God would open my eyes to the Supernatural. I wanted to see angels and glorious things so that I could be closer to Him. I wanted to have my eyes opened to see what He sees. And do you know what? I realize now that what God sees, that what He has opened my eyes to see, is the suffering and brokenness all around me...not just on the street corner or in the hospital or rehab facility, but even on the seat next to me at church. Maybe we spend too much time gazing at angels and not enough time looking...at the pain...all around us.

I have a sense that there are so many broken people...(aren't most of us broken in some way or other?)...who don't feel seen. People who are afraid to be transparent and show their brokenness because those around them present perfection and to do so would only bring shame. I have a sense that there are people who instead of having a verse quoted to them, need to have a living, breathing Jesus reach out to them and walk with them, weep with them, and even sit with them in their pain until they are strong enough to stand up...someone who will not deny their pain, or treat them as if they have somehow failed in this Christian experiment...someone who will stop and look and truly see.

In my dream, I am that someone. Whether that dream ever comes to pass, I hope carrying it within me will somehow keep my eyes open and my senses alert to the shattered, of whom I am one.

Monday, August 13, 2012

The Lord's Prayer

In the hospital waiting room. So many people. So much pain. Some sit chatting while their loved ones wait to be seen. I sit in silence. Watching...wondering about their lives, their stories, and what brought them here?
Sometimes, when I am at my most "spiritual" I imagine hanging out in a hospital. I have heard that the Gospel is well received in times of physical need. What is the Gospel? What is the need?

I watch her walk in. She is limping. She makes her way up to the counter. I am distracted by other people, other conversations taking place around me.
Then I notice her again. She is sitting there, not too far from me. Her head is down. Is she crying? Yes, I hear her now. Just a gentle sobbing so as not to be noticed. But I notice. God notices.
What do you want from me, Lord? Do you want me to go and pray with her? Am I to ask her if she knows You? Oh God, I am so broken myself. I am in need! Would you really ask me to give when I have nothing left to give? How can I even think about Your Kingdom here in the pain of this place, with this ache in my heart?

I try to ignore Him. I try to ignore her. "Just sit here. Maybe she'll stop." I look over again. Tears are still coming with the faint sound of whimpers. Doesn't anyone see? Doesn't anyone notice?
"I notice. Go to her. Ask her what she needs." 
Oh God, no! What if what she needs is too much for me? Don't You see how tired and broken I am? What about me? You don't seem to care much about my needs right now!!

I get up to go walk around a little, stretch my legs.  I have been sitting for a long time. Since I have to walk right by her anyway, I bend down and ask her if she is OK...is there anything she needs?
She asks me for some tissue. I see a box on the counter, and go grab two for her. I place them in her hand. She says "Thank you, dear."And the nurse comes out and calls her name.

"Your kingdom come, Your will be done....on earth as it is in Heaven." What does that mean? What does that look like?

Yesterday, it looked like two tissues...given to a stranger...in a hospital waiting room.

 

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Branching Out

Just recently, a dear friend was sharing a delightful story with me. She was telling how she was in the midst of a very hectic and not so great day, and she went to visit an elderly friend who began to ask her all sorts of deep questions about the Lord. My friend was amazed at what was coming out of her mouth! It seemed as if the perfect responses were already prepared for her. It was ALL GOD! And the most amazing part was that she didn't feel like she was in a good place with the Lord at all that day. She was busy, and tired, and distracted and...well, we've all been there haven't we? Yet, Jesus came through. Literally, He came through her! Imagine that. It wasn't her at all, it was HIM!

What is so precious and wonderful about this story, (and we all have them), is that we are amazed when this happens. We are amazed that God would come through us when we are so "unprepared."  But if we take a moment to ponder it more fully, we will realize that when God chooses to move through us it is always Him, and never us! Think about it. What we are really saying is, "Wow God, You were totally able to do it without me!!" That is just too funny!

"I am the vine. You are the branches. Those who live in me while I live in them will produce a lot of fruit. But you can't produce anything without me." John 15:5

OK, so Jesus came and He died and then He came back and then He said He would abide in us and live in us and dwell in us and we would also abide and live and dwell in Him. "In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you." John 14:20. What does that mean? Does that mean that I have to muster things up on my own and try to make God proud of me? Or does it mean what it says? Is Jesus in Me, and am I in Him? And if this is true, then it would seem like all I have to do is show up and God also shows up. Wow. I am always and forever connected to Him. I can't produce anything without Him, but He took care of that by always being in me, and by keeping me always in Him.

This, my friends, is a win-win scenario. I don't know about you, but I am experiencing a greater freedom along with this revelation. I am no longer trying to make things happen because I need to do it for God, nor am I afraid to speak because I might not have enough Scripture memorized or maybe I didn't pray long enough. He is the vine, and I am a branch. I am always connected to Him. So, I guess you could say I am branching out.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Transportation

Today I was reading about Philip in the book of Acts. What an amazing and interesting guy he was! I think what makes him most amazing is how he operated in the boldness of grace.

While Philip was sharing the Gospel in Samaria, a messenger of the Lord came with instructions to leave Samaria. And that was a pretty tall order, since the road he was told to take runs through the middle of uninhabited desert. There he was in a city full of people who were accepting the Good News and the Holy Spirit, and God asks him to leave there and go into a desert...to lay down his big "ministry" and all of the excitement of it, and go down this desolate road.

Philip, because he is so amazing, did what he was told to do. He didn't try to hang on to his popularity or his ministry which had great potential for growth...he just heard God's messenger and obeyed.

Along the road he met up with a dignitary from Ethopia, an African man who had been castrated. (This is an important detail we will get back to.) He was on his way to Jerusalem. The man was seated on his chariot reading aloud from a scroll of the prophet Isaiah.

Philip received another prompting from the Holy Spirit to go over to the chariot and climb on board. So Philip started running until he was even with the chariot. He heard the Ethiopian reading, and recognized the words from the prophet Isaiah, and asked him if he understood what he was reading. The Ethiopian invited Philip into the chariot where they had a conversation. Philip used the passage to explain the good news of Jesus. He must have been quite anointed and convincing, (a little pentecostal joshing) because as they passed by a body of water, the Ethiopian asked if there was anything that might prevent him from being baptized and identified as a disciple of Jesus. Philip replied "If you believe in your heart that Jesus is the Liberating King, then nothing can stop you." (Them's powerful words right there!!)

So Philip and the Ethiopian walked together into the water, and Philip baptized the Ethiopian. But wait, this was no small thing. You see, the reason the Ethiopian had asked Philip the question "...is there anything that might prevent me from being ceremonially washed and identified as a disciple of Jesus?" is that he was referring to the prohibition in Judaism from full participation in temple worship against men like himself, ones who had been castrated...a prohibition he would likely have encountered in this very visit to Jerusalem.

Philip didn't see any problem with it! He knew that Jesus died for one and all, and that His grace was provided for everyone...even this religious misfit! And that's where my favorite part of the story takes place. Once Philip dunks his Ethiopian brother, he is immediately caught up by the Holy Spirit and taken to another town! And the Ethiopian disciple gets back in his chariot and continues on his journey, though he's quite a bit more lively now being full of the joy of the Lord!!

OK, so what is the moral of the story to me? Obey the Holy Spirit, and lavish others with the grace you have been given, and you will really go places in God's Kingdom!!  

Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Truth Is...

I was thinking last night about how humans have so many different perceptions of God. The Muslims think He is a mean God who wants them to kill people for Him. The Christian Scientists think He is an alien. Some people think He is the earth, or the sun, or a tree. So many differing ideas and beliefs.
So what is the truth?


I was thinking about the Bible...about how many years it has been around. Strange that a book could even survive all these years...and not only survive, but have the respect and honor and "life" that it does.
As Christians, as believers in God, we say that the Bible is the Word of Truth. What does that mean? Well, to many people it means that everything within the pages of the Bible is written for us to fashion our lives after. But that doesn't really work. That line of thinking has caused us to pick and choose which things we actually want to live or obey, because...let's face it. We cannot actually take every word literally. I think saying we do has done more harm than good. And since we all interpret it differently, that cannot be the Bible's ultimate purpose can it? Why would God keep this book around, and keep it alive among us, so that it can cause divisions and disagreements as to what we should obey and follow and what we can let go? No, the Bible has to be more than a book of rules or simply a "how-to" book.

What if the Bible is truth in that it was given to us, and has remained here for us, to continue to point us to the truth of who God is, and to be the ultimate resource to answer our questions about him?
What if the Bible is a biography written about the God of the universe, wait...an autobiography actually written by him...to show us what he is really like? To give us the truth of who he is? Because without this picture of him we tend to get off track and start to make God up to be something or someone from our own imagination...we make him in our own image. If left to ourselves, God becomes whatever we like (or dislike) as the case may be.
So the Bible is here to tell us that God made us like him, in his own image. Now I can know for certain that He is not an alien, or a tree, or the earth...because I don't look like any of those things. OK, that gets me closer to understanding who he is. But not close enough. Because the beginning of this book is full of chapter after chapter of what seems to be a very mean and vindictive God. In reality though, as I read the Old Testament after knowing Jesus, I see it more as an account of how "way off" man gets in his perceptions of God, of who he is, and what he wants from us.
The Old Testament shows us what a frustrating mess we have made of things, and continue to make of things, without knowing the truth. It also shows us a few people who had a true picture of God, and how they maintained a relationship with Him because they found him loving, full of acceptance, and utterly other than a dictator or a mean old king.

Enter Jesus. The Living Word. The actual Word of God. Jesus, the living autobiography...the real, tangible, alive "Truth". Our ultimate representative of what God is really like. (God must have been getting frustrated with being so misrepresented all those years.) So God comes to us, as one of us, to show us Himself in a way that we can finally, truly understand. He comes as a baby, and lives as an "average Joe" or the guy next door, until the day that God...this God we never really knew or grasped...reveals Himself to us through Him, through Jesus.
No more doubt or argument. All of our misconceptions laid to rest. "This is Me, guys! This is what I am really like! This is who I AM!!"

People ask me how I know that God is real? How do I know that what I believe is true? It seems prideful to think that I have a corner on God, or a handle on God, or that it's my way or the highway. But it isn't prideful at all. Truth is...and God wants us to know Him, and to know what He is really like. He has made every effort, and given all provision...He has revealed Himself and His heart to us fully and completely. He gave us the book, and now all we have to do is look at Jesus. Listen to His teachings. Observe the way He lived. In His life, and in His death, and in His risen life, we find our answer. In Him we see the Truth of God. 
The Bible is the Truth. Jesus is the Truth. They were given to show us once and for all who God really is so that we never ever forget.

So when we "stand on the Truth," or when we "speak the Truth," we aren't just standing on a Scripture, or reciting a certain passage of the Bible from memory. What it means is that we are sure, we are convinced, we have more than head knowledge...but have actually experienced...Truth. Because Truth is a person. We know this Man, therefore we know God Himself. He is Truth. The truth is...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Eye Salve...Continued

Luke 7:36-50
This is the story of the woman who brought a flask into the Pharisee's house, and washed his feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head, then kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. Her actions riled up the religious men, and in verse 44 it says 'Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, 'Do you see this woman?' Whoa. That question gives me Holy Spirit bumps. She felt invisible all of those years because of her sin. The eyes of judgment were the only eyes which looked upon her. Yet in that moment, she was seen!! Love saw her, and noticed her act of love. Jesus said to those men....Do you see this woman? Look at her!! See her!! Then he told the woman her faith had saved her, to go in peace.
Sadly, we have walked in jealousy toward one another. We walk in judgments and insecurity. We want to be seen. No, we need to be seen. Yet when another is seen we feel threatened, 'She is stealing the limelight.' But once we know we have been seen by Jesus, we will never be the same.
'I once was blind, but now I see!' As we are seen, then we are given eyes to see. I remember praying, 'Lord, give me eyes to see!!' But I had to be seen first. And I had to come out of hiding.

Look at Luke 8:40-48. It is the story of the woman with the issue of blood. She was desperate for Him. She pressed through the crowd to touch Him, and managed to touch the border of His garment. And what happened? Verse 46 says 'But Jesus said, 'Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me. Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately.' Jesus again told her that her faith had made her well and to 'Go in peace.'
Look at her.....after she knew she was 'seen' (not hidden) she became bold!! She testified before the crowd!!
He sees us! When we are seen by Him, noticed by Him, validated by Him....we are never the same!!
He told both women to now 'go in peace'. There is no peace until we have been seen by our bridegroom. We live our whole lives waiting to be seen.
The enemy does a number on us as children. Some of us fear being seen, because being seen means to us to be mocked, made fun of, abused, or maybe even used for somebody's perversion.
Sin comes into our lives and just as Eve tried to do in the garden, we go into hiding. I can remember just wanting to blend into the wallpaper. But then He looked upon me. He noticed me and He found me worthy of His gaze.....and all of my insecurities melted in His sight. There is healing in His gaze.

Luke 9:38 'Suddenly a man from the multitude cried out, saying, 'Teacher, I implore You, look on my son, for his is my only child.' Interesting that the man asked Jesus to look on his son. He knew that if Jesus noticed him, if he 'saw' him, the result would be his healing!
Again in Luke chapter 13 there is another woman who had a spirit of infirmity for 18 years, and in verse 12 it says 'But when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him and said to her, 'Woman, you are loosed from your infirmity.'
Luke 17:11-14 is the story of the ten lepers, who stood afar off. Verse 14 says 'So when He saw them....' They were crying out to him, and He noticed!!

In Genesis 16:6-14 we find the story of Hagar. This poor woman! She did nothing wrong, she went to Abram at Sarai's request. But she found herself despised because of Sarai's jealousy, and she fled from the house. Verse 7 says that 'the Angel of the Lord found her'. He spoke to her to return, and gave her a powerful promise; after which she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, 'El Roi' meaning 'the God Who Sees' and she then says 'Have I also here seen Him who sees me?' She was seen by God, and then she could see God. Wow!
Now look at Gen. 21:14-20. Hagar was being sent away. She was not being very nice to Sarah, so Abraham gave her some bread and water and sent her away with her son. She wandered in the wilderness until she thought they would both die. She laid the baby down, and sat down and wept. But God heard the voice of her child, the child of promise that He had given her. And in verse 10 it says 'Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water.' Now, the way I read the story, that well was there all the time! But God had to open her eyes to see it! He had to open the eyes of despair, the eyes that were cast down. Bitterness, self pity and unforgiveness can blind our sight.

Religion can also keep us from seeing. In Luke 13:34-35 Jesus laments over Jerusalem. They could not see Him!
Revelation 3:14-22 talks about the lukewarm church, which makes God puke. What does He tell them to do? Verse 18 says ....'and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.' Any place where we are fat, comfortable and content, we are blind to Him.

Look more at the book of Revelation.....all through the book it says 'I looked' and 'I saw'!!!
John 3:3 says we must be born again to see the Kingdom of God. When I read of all that John got to see in Revelation, I am just blown away. There is so much 'seeing' in just this book alone.
Rev. 5:6 says 'And I looked, and I saw in the midst of the throne and of the four living creatures, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as though it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God sent out into all the earth.' I don't understand it all, but I know that there are seven eyes representing the seven Spirits of God. Eyes!!
Later on, chapter 11 talks about the witnesses being resurrected and when they ascended to heaven in a cloud their enemies saw them. I think back to the woman with the flask of oil. There she was, before her enemies who were the religious men of that day......but Jesus held her up before them as an example.....and as she was seen by Jesus, her enemies also saw her. They knew that Jesus looked upon her, and loved what He saw. I believe they saw her differently after that.

When we are seen by our Lord, when we dare to look into the eyes of Love, we too can go in peace....knowing that we have caught the gaze of the One for Whom we have waited our whole lives. And once we have been seen we realize that we have been found worthy of His gaze and lovely in His sight; and our whole countenance changes. Our eyes are opened! We are transformed into people who see. We can see His Kingdom, we can see His glory! We begin to see others as Jesus sees them. And our enemies tremble because they can see Him in us!!

Tears

This morning I read in Revelation 7:17 "And God will wipe from their eyes every last tear."  We all know that scripture. And I'...