Sometimes I wish God had a trap door. You know, a lever He could pull when I say or do something completely stupid (which is more often than not) and the door would open, and I would drop out of sight. I'm not sure where I would go once I dropped through the trap door. Maybe I would just sit on His lap for a minute, have a good cry while He assures me that although I say and do some really stupid things, His love for me never changes. Once recovered, I would find myself back in my house and ready to face another day.
There is one time in particular recently, where I wished for this scenario. We live in old east Medford, which is a pretty nice area. Most of the homes are owner-occupied, so they are well cared for. But, there was this one house...across the street from us and a couple of houses down that street, that really bothered me. We have a perfect view of this house from our balcony, where we spend a lot of our time. It was not so well cared for. In fact, it didn't look very great. There were always junky cars parked in the driveway and the carport was full of stuff, and the kids who lived there were kind of loud and obnoxious. It seemed especially obnoxious to us because we were trying to enjoy pleasant evenings on our balcony. They also had a little dog that would get out, a lot, and proceed to follow anyone walking down the street...yapping at their heals. It became a real nuisance. One time Hubby even went over there, knocked on their door, and informed them that they needed to keep their dog in the yard. Humph! Some people...After all, this is OUR nice neighborhood, and we don't care for the likes of you moving in and destroying our peace and quiet! The nerve!
Well, after about a year or so, there appeared a "for sale" sign on the lawn of the house across the street and down two houses. We were delighted! Oh we hope it sells! We hope someone moves in and fixes up the place! The "junky neighbors" will be moving! Yay!!
It took months, but we finally noticed a "sale pending" sign was up. Soon, we noticed a lot of activity going on that looked like packing and we were elated! Our real estate value is no longer threatened! Our peace will be restored!
So on this particular day, I was outside visiting with my across the street neighbor. She is an amazing lady, who is on dialysis and in a battle with cancer. But you would never know it. She cleans the neighbor's house in exchange for her grandkids swimming in their pool. She is always outside visiting with someone. She brought cookies to us twice, while we were painting and putting in the floor. What a sweetheart she is! We were chatting and I said "It looks like someone finally bought that house" looking over at the offensive dwelling with distain. "I am so thankful. Maybe someone will clean it up and fix it up! It really drags the neighborhood down, don't you know." She was quiet for a moment, then she replied, with no judgment or malice, "Oh, I'm sad they are moving. She is my friend. In fact, we had them over for Thanksgiving dinner." A long pause...open mouth, insert foot. (Come on, God! Pull the lever!! Do it now!! What are You waiting for??)
I will never forget that day, or how I felt after that conversation. Besides wanting to crawl into a hole, I was so shocked at the ugliness in my heart. (Isn't that what sweet conviction is? We catch a glimpse of our own wretchedness in the light of God's grace.) Sadly, it took my dear neighbor...who in the midst of her own struggles, was willing to reach out to another in love, to show me how self-centered I had been.
For many years, on a regular basis, I have prayed "Search me, Lord! Show me if there is any unclean thing in me!" There are some prayers that God just loves to answer.
