I was tired of my living room, and I wanted something new, so I sold my couch. I decided the leather love seat would be fine...no need for a new couch. But...I wasn't happy with the leather love seat. Now I know that my couch it really doesn't matter, and I know that when I feel this unhappiness it isn't really about a "thing". But since I am a selfish human, I ignored past lessons and focused on what it isn't about. In this case, the couch.
A couple of months later, hubby starts looking at dirt bikes on craigslist. WHAT? WHY? "I used to ride a dirt bike and want one again before I get too old to ride one." Fine, whatever...ugh.
One day I see this cool modern couch on craigslist. (It reminds me of one I found at Scan Design that we almost bought but then decided it was too much money and besides, we don't really need a couch.) Anyway, it looked cool in the picture. Hubby said let's go look at it. We did. I liked it, but wasn't sure. I wondered if it would work in our house, or if I'd end up not liking the rest of my stuff? I suggest that we go to Costco and think about the couch. Instead of his being relieved at that suggestion, he goes ahead and makes an offer! We end up buying the couch. A couch I am not even sure I want. (Though part of me is glad and wants the couch because I deserve it if he is getting a dirt bike!)
The couch moves in and I immediately don't like it. Every day I walk into the living room, and the couch is taunting me, reminding me of the ungodly motives in my heart. The color looks dingy, the condition isn't as good as it looked in her living room...and it is a HUGE thorn in my side.
I put an ad on craigslist. No bites. But of course not! Nobody is going to want to buy this expensive couch!! Why did I buy it? We don't have this kind of money to throw away! We are probably moving anyway!! I HATE THIS COUCH!!!
Normally, I would be seeking God when feeling such turmoil. But...I can't really pray and ask that it sells...because, well...this is all my doing, and all my fault, and I need a consequence for my selfishness. Right? God loves me, but this is just one of those life lessons for which I must suffer. RIGHT???
So one day I get an email...a gal wants to come and see the couch. I email her back and head out for my walk. I had had a wonderful time with the Lord that morning, and was drenched in the reality of His grace and great love for me. While walking I begin to talk to Him..."Jesus, You are my Redeemer. You saved me when I didn't deserve it. That is who You are! So I'm gonna ask that this couch sells. I even ask that I won't have to take a huge loss in the sale of it. I am so sorry I bought it. Please redeem this mess for me." I had great faith that He would, because in that moment I knew who He is. He is my mess fixer, in spite of me! He is not an evil task master who withholds from me because I need to suffer consequences. He knows that I am just a learner, and He is my Teacher. I had learned the lesson, now He wanted to redeem it!!
She bought the couch. She was a lovely lady and we were instant friends. She bought it for her birthday, which happened to be just days before mine. I am blown away at God's goodness toward me...in SPITE of my stupidity. And here's what I know now...He was delighted to redeem my mess for me, and especially delighted that I came to Him confident in the knowledge that He would redeem it, because that is who He is.
I pray you would somehow understand what I'm trying to put to words. God wants you to know Him like this. He wants you to know that yes...He sees when you mess up. But it doesn't change the fact that He is right there loving you, full of grace for you, He is not disappointed in you, and He will even redeem your messes for you. He is for you!! He knows you are learning. He is not a God who punishes us. He extends us grace upon grace...because that is who He is! Our blessed Mess Fixer and Couch Redeemer...
